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Sep 22, 2013
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Anapaest (Attempt "two" for Bottom Line)
You may cry in writing anew, work in the form of anapaest
Some may find the intellectual write will progress
Leaving standard writers with a plethora of poetry needing an edit
Then the teachers of poetry should help the others in the write
"Try two"
You may cry in writing of poems in forms you may not be now sure of or know.
Some may find when the Bard is now studied our work will progress
Leaving standard of writing now with another meaning to sort
Then the teachers of poetry should help the others in the writ
Just another go at this type of poetry form,
Yours Ian.T
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Well another leap into the comment zone lol Have tried to parse it but it needs the other bolds and font to do better.. Yours Ian.T
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
Ian
Just a drill to see if you can scan your own work
May I ask how do you parse these verses of yours?
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
Dear Ian
as you've mentioned in your blog, the rhyme is "da da Dum" -which is true and this means it is a treble or triple meter which means too that each three syllables make a foot while in your sancsion you're making each two syllables in a foot in some places.
Rula
11 years 9 months ago
my scansion of the first two lines
You may CRY| in WRI-ting| a-NEW, WORK| in the FORM |of A-na|PEST
Some may FIND| the in-TELL |-ec-TUL - WRITE | will PRO-gress
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
This form is a bitch.
You may cry /in wri- / ting a- / new, work / in the / form of / a-na- / pest (as I mentioned to others, there are usually a number of different ways a poem can be scanned. For the workshop we are looking for very strict meter that we may master it, but in a poem this doesn't always happen. I scanned this a bit esoterically. The first foot is Anapest, the second Iamb, then we have a phyrric, two unaccented syllables followed by a Spondee, two accented syllables, another Phyrric, a Trochee and a hanging syllable "catalexis")
Some may find / the in- / tel-lec- / tual write / will pro-gress (two Iambs in the middle of three Anapest)
Leaving stan- / dard wri- / ters with / a ple- / tho-ra / of po- e- / try need-ing / an e- / dit (An Anapest, three Iambs, a Phyrric, an Iamb... an... wait for it... two Amphibrachs, an Iamb and a hanger on)
Then the tea- / chers of po- / etry should / help the o- / thers in / the write (this is closer Ian, three Anapest and two Iambs. You're getting it)
wesley snow
11 years 9 months ago
Here's a thought I gave Carrie.
You are allowing the natural pronunciation of certain words to interfere with your meter. If a word is commonly accented on say the first syllable, but you put that syllable in a metric position where you need an unaccented one you're already beaten. Look at individual words, check the stresses in a dictionary and make sure you don't have an unaccented syllable where you need an accented one.
Then try my cha-cha-CHA trick. Over exagerrate the third syllable and see if it sounds queer. It must sound natural.
mand
11 years 9 months ago
It's not very easy to do is
It's not very easy to do is it! You are doing well though.
Love Mand xxx