Primal Poetry

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ANCESTORS (Primal Poetry)

Here stood our ancestral home
the crumbling wall marks the spot
here a sheep was led to the slaughter
to appease the gods and atone

for faults which our destiny
has blossomed into crimes
there my cursed father once stood
and shouted to us, his children
to come back from our play
to our evening meal and sleep.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nigeria , Abuja, NGA

Favorite Poets: John Donne, Williams Wordsworth, Wole Soyinka, Sola Owonibi, Jared Angira, Langston Hughes, P.O.C Umeh, Sir. Walter Raleigh

Comments

Simon

5 years 10 months ago

perfact

the ancestor is a very inspirational poem and it got me looking back in the days from where we started.

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

I like that...

you have a good sense of what this contest is about and have written a clear scene. Yes, it is about where we come from and what we remember about our roots. Someday, your children may write about you as you have written about your father and your memories of where you have come from. You are getting better each time you submit a poem. It all seems to fit, the title, the subject and it flows smoothly. Nice job!
~ Geezer.
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weirdelf

5 years 10 months ago

um... small correction, this is a workshop, not a contest.

I am merely offering a method that has helped me find places in myself I didn't know even existed.

You can see that the early shamans found insights that made them seem magical, but it's all psychology without the terminology, nothing really spiritual about it, although you can regard it so if you choose to.

Have you tried the hour long one yet? Let me know how it goes.

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

I must have ...

just finished my meds. Sorry about the contest blooper.

weirdelf

5 years 10 months ago

Simon, I agree with Mark, this is a superb poem

But truth now, please, is it really the result of of the drumming meditation?
My last submission, which came out as poetry because that is the way I think after 50 years of writing poetry but I intuitively feel it is not the result of of a shamanic trance.

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

Like you have said...

It is the way that people think, that causes them to write the way they do. I don't think that we can expect that just because we have people listening to drumming; that it is going to necessarily change the way they write. I understand the idea of wanting just the bare bones of the thought and of trying to understand those thoughts in a ritualistic light, but it doesn't change the fact that "You write what you are." ~ Gee.
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