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And I love you so

And I love you so
My dear brothers
Very much
And that is not a lie
Dear brothers
I hope you love me also
Because I just want to be
Loved by you
Dear brothers
Also dear brothers
I am your oldest brother
That was made by our
Father many years ago
Dear young brothers
Can you love me also
Because what I need is love
Also dear brothers
I never mistreated you
Dear brothers
I have respect for you
And I hope
Dear brothers that you
Have also respect to me
Dear brothers
I will die some day
Before you
Because we won’t live
Forever
And we also have to die
That is how our father made
Life
Also for now we should live our
Lives to the fullest
We will not waste our lives
By sleeping in during the mornings

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Consider exploring more concrete imagery or specific examples to convey the emotional depth of the relationship between the speaker and the brothers. Currently, the repetition of "dear brothers" and "love" creates a sense of sincerity, but it also limits the poem's complexity. Experimenting with varied language or metaphors could enhance emotional resonance and provide greater insight into the dynamics of the relationship. Additionally, the shift toward mortality and the idea of living life fully at the end introduces an interesting thematic layer; consider developing this idea further or integrating it more cohesively with the earlier sections of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Lavender

1 month 2 weeks ago

And I Love You So

Hello, and Welcome to Neopoet!
This appears to be a very personal and intimate poem/message full of wisdom and hope to those dear to you. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you!
L