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Nov 08, 2012
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And with A Smile
Sleep you say and with a smile
Dismiss me for a little while
Now left alone here one more time
Allowing dreams to fill my mind.
But could you see beyond the smile
There swims a lonely crocodile
In frigid waters dark and deep
I pray for peace in which to sleep.
And when sleep calls me one more time
A frightful thought invades my mind
Are nightmares real can someone say
What words will make them go away.
Suburban jungle how quiet the night
My crocodile swims out of sight
Yet sleep you say and with a smile
Dismiss me for a little while
About This Poem
Last Few Words: dare to be different
Review Request Direction: How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
12 years 7 months ago
love this
great theme, great meter
nothing to crit or to offer for improvement
i really like the envelope - the repeating of the first two verses at the end - it rounds it off, completing it and bringing the reader back to the original thought
love judy
xxx
mike carter
12 years 7 months ago
Onwards and upwards
Thank you Judy, it's nice to receive the fuel of praise it makes for a more interesting journey
Nordic cloud
12 years 7 months ago
Reminds me of The Fall and
Reminds me of The Fall and Rise of Mr. Perrin" remember, he always saw his mother-in-law as a rhinoceros, although other aspects are meant here, not the comic, of course. This could be developed into a children's verse so well. Its like rolling over in bed among things familiar.
Love Ann.
sueb
12 years 7 months ago
gr8 poem
gr8 poem