Esker

Mar 14, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

angel

angel in the forest
far from home
we lay and listen
voice of breeze
while stars spark
in hours lease

borne loft of worry care
and freedom
we slide dreams
on rulers
calculating seasons

twas you
alone whom
warmed my heart
when others
joust and laugh
in lark

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: north ontario, CAN

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Comments

Esker

14 years 4 months ago

not just sometimes

solid takes time
worth takes perception
many will throw words
in your face stinging
but there are those
whom have your back
and I know whom
they are now

my green eyed angel
is one of them

Nordic cloud

14 years 3 months ago

I hear you, I see even when you bend the words to make your sounds as you wish ignoring their full meaning, suggesting other meanings onomatopoeically by doing so.
Some of the English slightly grammatically out, but well shall I try to say?

"alone whom
warmed my heart"

Perhaps it was only this that jarred me, and it takes a lot to allow me to criticise anything you writ, as I let poets licence guide me when touching your work, then the free play of words takes on another meaning, and why not. But this can drop the M and all will be well with the magic of your poem.

Mr Magic American native man.
LuvAnn.

Esker

14 years 3 months ago

m

I just threw it in because I liked the flow it is incorrect
but then I like these kind of things

but I like your correction very much

Thank You

magics02

14 years 3 months ago

Esker

I liked this but stumbled here perhaps allow me to say

when others
joust and laugh
in lark

when others
joust and laugh(ed)
in lark

Let me know what you think on it for it is your work and I am just here to read and make my own suggestions or feelings on them

Blessings to you (I see a different picture of you and like how you change it with your mood:)

Mona

Esker

14 years 3 months ago

ed

Laughed shall suffice very nicely here

Thank you I like this elongation of the noun?verb?
its all art in my head like boxcars and flatbeds

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Angel

I like this one very much, the only thing i would change is the word forest, in the first line, and i would replace it with darkness or in the murky night, but only out of my preference for the darker side of things. Otherwise forest is a perfectly good word.

I was drawn to this poem, because of the angel aspect. as I am writing a novel about a fallen angel.

Lou

Esker

14 years 3 months ago

dark forest place of shadow obscurity

thank you Lou for your suggestion
forest is so generic
writing these is not difficult but
stretching to use different
more descriptive terms like
Jack K did is and others
they really wrote fantastically
my art I think is the way I put
my simple paragraph phrases
together

lou

14 years 3 months ago

Esker

I share your love of Jack Kerouac, I think you manage to write in a very descriptive manner, which i enjoy very much.

love lou

Roscoe Lane

14 years 3 months ago

Another classic,

Another classic from your pen, one suggestion, what about, when others joust laugh in lark. Regards Roscoe...