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paul
paul
Nov 23, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Angel Of The Night

Seeking refuge
In your gazing eyes
Your sweet lips
Keep a smile on
Sad faces

Angel that fled from heaven
To ease broken spirits
Stay with me till first light
For your presence
Brings spring flowers
On a winter day

Ah, how your smile echoes
In my darkest hours
Your smile defeats Hades
Your every word flows
Like Shakespearean sonnets

Such a woman as you
Deserves to be showered
With eternal passion
From Aphrodite’s temple

The one who brings you to tears
Shall be fed to merciless beasts
For a tear from your eyes
Is a crime punishable by death

Darling, you whisper of joy
To a world bathed in sorrow
For this you are a goddess

Blessed be the one
That is touched
By your finger tips
Oh angel of the night

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi, Sylvia Plath and Neopoet as a whole.

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Comments

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 11 months ago

Hi Paul

This is good, sweet and heady stuff. I like very much.

Two small things

1st stanza, should "Keeps" be "Keep", since "lips" are plural?

and

4th stanza, "Such a woman" sounds too passive to me, in a poem where all other references are specifically about a particular woman.
"Such women as you"? "Such a woman as you"?

You leave no doubt as to your feelings. Great stuff.

mand

mand

14 years 11 months ago

Beautiful words

I enjoyed reading this delightful poem.

very well done.

Love Mand xxxxx

weirdelf

weirdelf

14 years 8 months ago

I feel honoured to have witnessed your growth as a poet.

There is such a maturity of expression here, a deft touch with the allegory, I suspect that many would not even suspect it is allegorical (which may or may not be a problem, up to you) and skilled use of imagery.

Only one line gives me a little trouble.
Like Shakespearean sonnets
Much as I adore the bard I wonder if another classic Greek reference might work better in context or a visual or aural image. The words sussuration and spring spring to mind.