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Jul 11, 2022
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Anger and Passion (Red)
Oh lonely queen of hearts
Whose anger knows no bounds
Face is flush, contorts with rage
Deals out anger by the pound
Her soldiers stand aligned
Regalia of crimson
They stand upon the brink of war
To which she sends them once again
Amongst the fateful ranks
A soldier in his row
A ruby pendant ‘round his neck
A scarlet ribbon marks his bow
The ribbon, cut from finest cloth
His mother could afford
A symbol of maternal love
With purpose as a magic ward
The ruby was his lover’s gift
Lent courage was earned
Guides him over battlefield
Facilitates his safe return
Home at last by hearth and fire
Passion did ignite
Reddest flames of hot desire
Burning through the cold dark night.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: In response to a challenge laid down by Cat, first of 8 days of color themed poems.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years ago
I like yours...
much better than mine! I am especially enamored of the Queen of Hearts! That was the nickname of my second wife! She used to get so mad and scream at everybody, didn't matter if they involved or not! I used to tease her and holler "Off with their heads, off with their heads! ~ Geez.
.
RoseBlack
3 years ago
This was magnificent
I love everything about this poem. The hot, fast anger of the Queen switching to the warm, tender, passion that the new soldier feels for his mother and his lover. I love how you use the ruby and the ribbon that holds the ruby as symbols of each of these important relationships. Fantastic write. I think your work gets better each time I read something new.
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Tim,
it is my dinner time and spend time with Steven...so I will be back tomorrow to give your poem the serious attention it deserves.
*hugs, Cat
c lynn brooks
3 years ago
Hello
I do like your poem
although your second line is confusing
who whose?,your wording is lovely it also shows imagination
Candlewitch
3 years ago
dear Tim,
your poem for the color RED is exquisite!
as is the mother's and lover's involvement and dedication to "their" boy. (I get the feeling that they would both pull him to pieces with their love for him) but all works out well in the end. I liked these lines very much:
The ribbon, cut from finest cloth
His mother could afford
A symbol of maternal love
With purpose as a magic ward
The ruby was his lover’s gift
(Lended) Lent courage, earned (what is it you are saying here?)
Guides him over battlefield
Facilitates his safe return
these lines are the heart I soul of the poem....(I am bedazzled by)
Home at last by hearth and fire
Passion did ignite
Reddest flames of hot desire
Burning through the cold dark night.
(thanks for this write so imagery rich!!! it should be a delicacy decadent dessert)
* hugs, Cat
Rosewood Apothecary
3 years ago
Lended (lol)
That’s not a word, is it? So lent yes. The idea there is this. She lent him the ruby pendant (hers) as a reminder of her, with the intention it would give him the courage to survive the battle. It is a gift he has earned with his dedication to her but posthumously also earned the courage for himself by sheer will of strength against his enemies .
Candlewitch
3 years ago
yes it is both,
profound and beautiful,
*hugs, Cat
Jackweb
3 years ago
I like ...
The poem's form is very catchy! Is very interesting to read to the end. The line lengths and meters are very beautiful.
The imagery used in the poem makes the poem understandable.
Beautifully worded!