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Sep 04, 2023
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Another visit
Death stopped by my window today
landing on the sill
peering in
then flying away
Not sure why he didn’t stay
perhaps he did
slipped in
planted his seed
Will the black roses bloom
soon?
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
1 year 10 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Title: Another Visit
Review:
The poem "Another Visit" captures a moment of encounter with death, presenting a brief and contemplative scene. The imagery of death stopping by the window and peering in creates a sense of intrigue and mystery. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be further developed to enhance its impact.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more precise and vivid language. For example, instead of using the phrase "landing on the sill," consider using a more evocative verb that conveys a sense of purpose or intention. This would help to create a stronger visual image for the reader.
Additionally, the poem raises interesting questions about the nature of death and its potential consequences. However, these questions are left unanswered, leaving the reader with a sense of ambiguity. Consider expanding on the idea of death planting a seed and explore the potential symbolism of black roses. This would provide the reader with a deeper understanding of the poem's themes and add layers of meaning.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 year 10 months ago
Was it...
in the form of a raven or a crow?
Many people think that the raven or crow is a harbinger of death when in reality they are Odin's messengers and spies.
Many other cultures see the crow as a trickster. I like this, good to see you back writing, I've missed your stuff.
Nice take on The Grim Reaper. ~ Geezer.
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Richard Milne
1 year 10 months ago
Gracias amigo
Thanks for the read and comment, which is very kind. Not a raven or crow, more a faceless specter, accompanied by a sense of foreboding. Appears now and then.
Lavender
1 year 10 months ago
Another Visit
Hello, Richard,
You've captured so much with this brief poem. Fleeting thoughts that give pause. I am intrigued with the title as to using " Another" - not "A" or "The." Adds so much mystery. Really like this.
Thank you,
L
Richard Milne
1 year 10 months ago
Thanks Lavender
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. As for "Another," I have: an earlier poem about a somewhat similar encounter:
Constant companion
Death ambled by the doorway today
black and a little gold
undaunted by the cold
from across the street
faceless
the specter fell in behind
We rushed to get in the door
shut it quickly
glanced through the glass
this time
a little slower
death ambled right on past
Lavender
1 year 10 months ago
Very nice.
The poems compliment one another well.
L
Geezer
1 year 10 months ago
I see...
more in this piece each time I read it! ~ Geezer.
.