Rula

May 24, 2016 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

May 2016 Contest - Triolet - $25 Amazon.com Gift Card Prize

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The Aspiration

I spy a butterfly at play;
its wings, the spring; what one must ink;
it hides to tease, we seek and yay,
I spy a butterfly at play.
We find, and then it guides the way,
and writes with gold what one must think,
I spy a butterfly at play;
its wings, the spring; what one must ink.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

mand

9 years 1 month ago

Hi Rula

Syllable count and rhyming pattern - perfect and such a pretty abstract word picture too!

Can't fault :)

Love Mand xxxx

Rula

9 years 1 month ago

Thanks Mand

for the kind visit and the supporting words.
Much appreciated.

Keith Logan

9 years 1 month ago

Form

This is well written but I still see the strict form getting in the way of any feeling of freshness.

Rula

9 years 1 month ago

:)

can't change your opinion?

Keith Logan

9 years 1 month ago

Rula

You are a great poet but no one can write great poetry with their hands tied. So that would be a no then.

mand

9 years 1 month ago

Hi Keith

There's a challenge - rhyming poetry ( or strict meter e.c.t ) that manages convey emotions naturally. That would be my desired goal - not easy to accomplish. :)

All rhyming poets need to rise to the challenge! Lol

Love Mand xxx

Keith Logan

9 years 1 month ago

Check "Operation"

see if that comes close to what you desire.

Esker

9 years 1 month ago

monarch of a poem!

as a child we had tons of milkweed along the old highway out front
tiger tails...moments when they would be there in multitudes
I still see them....and once spied a lunar moth ragged but alive
still taking a break at a gas station kiosk!

survivors...finding inspiration
thank U!

Rula

9 years 1 month ago

heĺlo Mr. Esker

I played here a little with my butterfly.
Monarch! l loved this!
I claimed it as my aspiration,
What I would like to line
with golden ink
I permitted it to guide my way
as it often hides
I seek it again as we together
play to finally achieve
what our souls aspire

Thank you Steve for dropping this butterfly such a kind visit.