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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
May 06, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Aspirations

Aspirations:

hope
transparent and thin
like
leaves too long in the wind
oh
confident desire
which
once sprang eternal (never to expire)
now
with gnarled joints
slowly
crawls
to it's knees

Failed Aspirations:

hope
transparent and thin
like
leaves too long in the wind
oh
confident desire
which
once sprang eternal (ever to expire)
now
with gnarled joints
slowly
falls
to its knees

(can you find the differences?)

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 2 months ago

I see...

said the blind man. Never and ever, can be pretty much the same; it all depends on your perspective. ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

4 years 2 months ago

hey Geez,

the distinctive words are: (falls and crawls) one goes down and the other goes up ;)

*hugs, Cat
-

Geezer

Geezer

4 years 2 months ago

I see now...

that I was looking in the wrong place and therefore did not actually see. LoL
~ Geez.
.

Ray Whitaker

Ray Whitaker

4 years 2 months ago

I like your thoughts

I wonder if your two sections would benefit from being separated by numerals. Like “I” and “II” instead of “aspirations” and “failed aspirations “. .you have the context in the title. Also, to follow it with a “III” to add what i think could be a third section to instruct/tie it together.