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Astounding....
Astounding…
Got a stone in my shoe
it came in through a hole.
Deliberating what I’ll do,
with my wandering soul.
The hole in my shoe
it lets in fresh air.
That sure is one sole,
I don’t need to repair.
As long as the sun shines,
I’ll keep this holed footwear.
I can truly say it’s mine,
my own cross to bare.
Don’t believe in the cross,
does that mean I’ve no soul.
Not a great big loss,
still feel like I’m whole.
I’ve never needed a god,
to make me feel good.
Don’t at all feel odd,
don’t see why I should.
I believe I’m the same,
as any other being.
I just wish I could tame,
peoples need for an all seeing.
I sometimes feel like crying,
as people talk of what they’ve found.
And their belief when dying,
really does astound.
Getting back to my shoe,
the fact it needs repaired.
I’ll leave it up to you,
can two souls be compared.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Believe it or not.....
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
brittle light
10 years 7 months ago
Roscoe
I like this one a lot... reads very easily (a few grammatical fixes...i.e. mines/mine...
I think the grammar is more important here than a perfect rhyme!
this seems a little different in style. I like these shorter lines...for IMPACT
the way you put this together, the plot-theme, is interesting and engaging.
regards,
Roscoe Lane
10 years 7 months ago
Glad you,
Glad you enjoyed Al and i agree with you about the changes, Regards Roscoe...
judyanne
10 years 7 months ago
i like this one Roscoe
it gives a real feel for the meandering of the thought process -
the short line format fits the theme very well - a short word association carried out by the mind
and i love the association - sole to soul
i do agree with Al re the grammar - i too think it is more important than perfect rhyme
not sure about the title - do you have a subtext i'm not reading? otherwise i think you might do better with something that pertains to holes in souls??? lol - just a thought..
love judy
xxx
Roscoe Lane
10 years 7 months ago
Thank you,
Thank you judy, and yes it did just trip off like a meandering thought. Love Roscoe...