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May 07, 2025
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From Atop the Mountain
The nest resting upon
the mountain precipice
harbors two eaglets
and their regal parents.
The majestic mother
flaps and soars above,
hunting nourishment
for her gaping young.
After swooping, food
is obtained and deposited
in the vast cavities
waiting in the eyrie.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem clearly establishes a vivid natural scene, focusing on the eagle family and their habitat. To strengthen the piece, consider the following suggestions:
1. **Imagery and Specificity:**
The language used ("regal parents," "majestic mother") is somewhat general and abstract. Consider incorporating more concrete, sensory details or unique descriptions to enhance imagery and avoid clichés. For instance, describing the texture of feathers, the precise movement of wings, or the exact prey captured could enrich the reader's experience.
2. **Word Choice and Economy:**
The phrase "food is obtained and deposited" feels clinical and overly formal, somewhat disrupting the natural imagery established earlier. Consider using more direct, vivid verbs to maintain the poem's energy and clarity.
3. **Structure and Rhythm:**
The poem currently lacks a clear rhythmic or structural consistency. Experimenting with line length, stanza breaks, or subtle rhythmic patterns could enhance readability and emphasize key moments, such as the mother's flight or the eaglets' hunger.
4. **Perspective and Emotional Depth:**
The poem remains observational and distant. Introducing subtle emotional undertones or a specific perspective—perhaps the eaglets' vulnerability or the mother's instinctive care—could add depth and resonance to the piece.
By addressing these areas, the poem can become more engaging, vivid, and emotionally compelling.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact