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Nov 28, 2016
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Authenticity
Where lies
the authenticity of promises
in the absence of action?
I see the dirt in politics,
forming a cycle.
Strong words are mere tactics
in a struggle or power.
Candidates resemble actors on stage.
Their scripts filled with lines
we wish to hear
but mixed with truth and lies
that tend to play with our fears
Yet how many times have we seen,
problems repeating after the election
and the leader who seemed so keen,
fail to keep his word to his nation?
It makes me wonder
if we can still find a leader
whose heart is pure,
uncorrupted by the hunger
for power
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
alidzain
8 years 7 months ago
Jerry
Understand this. Sometimes, it is hard for one whose English is NOT his native tongue to find the words to say what he wanted to say. So, be patient. Admittedly, I do struggle trying to finish this poem abit and was searching for a way to do it. Now that I have edited it, tell me if there are ways which I can improve. Offer suggestions. I'm here to learn.
Alid
valene
8 years 7 months ago
good beginning.....
This could be a good beginning but now I suggest you explore where it might take you. I agree that promises don't mean a thing if there's no follow through, so that could be a good way to continue your thoughts.
valene
alidzain
8 years 7 months ago
Hi Valene
Thanks for the encouraging words. I've finally completed it. Now can you offer me suggestions or improvements?
Alid
valene
8 years 7 months ago
Now I see it......
Hi Alid, i'm glad you finished this. I get what you're saying and your words ring true!
When it come to writing free verse...well let's just say 'tis not my specialty but I do have a couple thoughts:
Last line 2nd verse: I'd change to 'In a struggle for power.'
3rd verse and it's strictly a thought:
Candidates resemble actors on stage
Their scripts filled with lines
We wish to hear
But mixed with truth and lies
That tend to play with our fears
I truly like your final verse....it's sad but so true!
valene
alidzain
8 years 7 months ago
Valene
Thank you so much for the help!
Alid
valene
8 years 7 months ago
My pleasure
Wow, Singapore! I've heard wonderful things about your country. My ex husband was there years ago and raved. I'm impressed that you write poetry in both languages. I know English can be very confusing even for those of us who've spoken it all our lives....LOL! If my suggestions helped, I'm truly happy! As I said, when it comes to writing in free verse, it's not something I'm comfortable doing and envy those who can. I'll give it a shot every now and then though.
Anyhow, 'tis nice to meet you, and as for your thoughts on politics, I believe we definitely have something in common!
Best wishes,
val
alidzain
8 years 7 months ago
Valene
it's nice to meet you too.
Alid