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Aug 31, 2025
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An avenue of thought!
False hope has taken me
places that I ought not to go.
Exploration of deity are
images of self scrutiny
There are very few hero's left
to offset the anarchy.
The end is moving swiftly
and the sun is sinking low
Our dreams have been demolished
I have burned every bridge.
A friend came to visit,
but I brushed him aside as lint.
It matters very little
what we do now.
If we take the goodness
and leave the past be hind.
Maybe the truth will resurface
illuminating a new path,
but as for me and mine
there can be no reconciliation.
I refuse to say I'm sorry
to people who don't care.
All in all everything is, but a farse
Can't discern between truth's and lies.
The God that I once bowed down to
is nothing more than I.
Everything is circular
we all have a place in line
Our expectations grow and
experience is positive.
whether it hurts or no.
Follow the path before you
the shadows slowly fade!
Whether we believe or not
we all find ourselves hoping,
The memories flood into
our fractured minds.
Helping to encourage faith
and drive the darkness away
No one ever comes around,
to pull you from the ground!
Eventually we will rise up
to stand before our persecutors.
God will be our liason as
the light passes through our souls
Detecting the simplicity existing within.
There are no guides, but a spirit voice
whispers slowly drawing us back home.
Back to our origins as shadows flee our minds!
There in the end our inner self
bares fruit, beautiful to behold
I've given up pretending that
I'll ever walk away.
The damage has been done
and cannot be reformed!
I have waked up to feel my life
slipping through the cracks.
Nothing seems to quell the hurt
I feel inside, but some day I believe
that I will be made whole.
It's just takes patience
to stop an overload.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 weeks 1 day ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of disillusionment, spiritual searching, and the struggle for reconciliation with oneself and the past. The speaker moves through cycles of hope and despair, touching on the collapse of faith in external authorities—both divine and human—and the resulting inward turn.
Structurally, the poem is composed in free verse, which suits its introspective and searching tone. However, the lineation and stanza breaks sometimes feel arbitrary rather than purposeful, which can disrupt the flow and dilute the impact of certain images or statements. For example, lines like “Exploration of deity are / images of self scrutiny” could be clarified syntactically to strengthen the connection between spiritual inquiry and self-examination.
The poem employs a number of abstractions—“hope,” “truth,” “faith,” “anarchy,” “reconciliation”—without always grounding them in concrete imagery. While abstraction can be effective in meditative poetry, the lack of sensory detail or specific scene-setting can leave the reader at a distance. Consider incorporating more tangible images or moments to anchor the philosophical reflections.
There are several moments where the poem gestures toward narrative (“A friend came to visit, / but I brushed him aside as lint”), but these are not fully developed. Expanding on such moments could add emotional depth and specificity.
Attention to language mechanics would also strengthen the poem. There are several grammatical and usage errors (e.g., “hero's” should be “heroes,” “farse” should be “farce,” “truth's” should be “truths,” “liason” should be “liaison,” “bares” should be “bears,” “waked” should be “woken” or “awakened”). These distract from the poem’s message and should be addressed in revision.
The poem’s conclusion gestures toward hope and wholeness, but the phrasing (“It's just takes patience / to stop an overload”) is somewhat awkward and could be clarified for greater impact. Consider reworking the closing lines to more clearly articulate the resolution or ongoing struggle.
Overall, the poem’s ambition in tackling existential and spiritual themes is clear, but it would benefit from greater attention to clarity, concrete detail, and careful editing of language.
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