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R
raj
Feb 19, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Awakening

Summer
soon turns
into winter's dream

Gentle
breeze kisses
dewy petals

Hot breath
awakens
frozen desires

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks Rula for taking the

Thanks Rula for taking the time to read and for your good words....i keep trying to improve..

Regards...

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Nice one.

Nice one.
Not my favorite though.
The reason is very subjective.
Overused poetic words have to be used only if there is no way around it.
Look at the second stanza five words and each of them bleached by exposure in thousands songs and poems.

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks IRiz for your comment.

Thanks IRiz for your comment. Noted reasons for it. Will keep that in mind while i write more...

Thanks again....

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

I am giving you the license

I am giving you the license to hit me at every misstep that's how i will keep improving on my learning curve... a good friend is also a good critique...