infinite_dwarf

Jul 12, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Battle Cry

I am tired
Weary of the negativity
Exhausted by derision
Drained by everyone's hatred

I am angry
Enraged by systemic bigotry
Incensed by the two-faced
Furious with persistent insolence

I am an American
I am a military daughter
I am a first responder
I will not be silenced

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Edited title Removed some "the" and replaced with better wording. Edited closing stanza.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Comments

c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

infinite-dwrf

welcome back
your rage is heard and felt
I felt this could have used a little more depth
I'm distressed by no title

c lynn brooks

4 years 11 months ago

dwarf

good strong title!

Ray Whitaker

4 years 11 months ago

The raw energy of it really attracts me. There is sooo much anger in the USA, right now, that this Poem reaches out from. Bravo! It needs a title and perhaps a last stanza to take the reader to an unexpected place. Again, I like it a lot!

Barbara Writes

4 years 11 months ago

hey Jess

lovely poem. the rage was felt. I could only imagine what first responders go through in the pandemic. this gives a glimpse

Barbara Writes

4 years 11 months ago

hey Jess

lovely poem. the rage was felt. I could only imagine what first responders go through in the pandemic. this gives a glimpse

Gracy

4 years 11 months ago

Hi infinite, we've not met

Hi infinite, we've not met before. I understand you've been a member of neopoet for sometime. I feel your powerful statements and agree fully. It's a feeling held in many countries, but the USA is going through an extreme situation. I only have a few nits, the usual ones, don't use so many "the's". An example below. Otherwise, splendid.

Weary of negativity
Exhausted by derision
Drained by hatred

All the best, Gracy

infinite_dwarf

4 years 11 months ago

Cheers

Yeah, I'm going on 12 or 13 years. Took a major hiatus after the original site crashed, and have only come back somewhat recently. I hear you're very kind, and give good critiques. I'm sure we'll cross paths again!

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

You give voice...

to all the rage and frustration of the American people. Reminds me of that movie where the protagnist yells: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore". Let's make it our battle-cry and get rid of all the denizens of the "Swamp". I like T-15's suggestion of making the last line your title. ~ Gee.
.

infinite_dwarf

4 years 11 months ago

Thank you!

I agree, less "the" need to be used.

Thank you, Gee - you actually just named it for me!

Geezer

4 years 11 months ago

Thumbs up...

wish we had those here on the message board. I think we do in the chat, but would be great to have them here. Glad to help out. ~ Gee.
.

Lavender

4 years 11 months ago

Battle Cry

Hello!
Your poem starts with exhaustion, complete weariness. I felt the weight of hopelessness. Then your poem moves on to anger and fury. I felt a surge of righteousness. And your last stanza stood tall and proud. I felt the strength of courage and hopefulness. Definitely a battle cry.
Thank you!
Lavender