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Mar 10, 2023
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Be a Light
If you can change the world
Only change it for the better
If you can write your story
Write it and follow it to the letter
If you can create an atmosphere
Make sure you give a positive vibe
Never put others down to act cool
Be the reason others feel alive
In a world where all people do is fight
Change the trend and Be a Light
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 4 months ago
Titles...
It seems that titles are
something that people are having trouble with lately.
I think your title is good, it drew me in,
which is what a title is supoosed to do.
Meter is something else that plagues us too.
If you are to rhyme, meter is a thing that everyone should
be interested in. It helps to keep the rhythm smooth, so that
a reader can concentrate on the message, rather than awkward
pauses. As I say to everyone, it doesn't have to be exact to be good meter
because the natural breath rhythm takes care of a lot of it.
Reading aloud, helps a lot. People like to say
that they are up for a challenge, but when it comes to meter, they "cop-out"
and say; "Well, it doesn't matter." It does matter when you write rhyme.
You have a typo in the second line of the first stanza. [Only change]...
~ Geezer.
.
Shelby Pryor
2 years 4 months ago
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you for the advice. Auto correct seems determined to destroy my work lol. Thank you!