Beach Day

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Beach Day" presents an evocative depiction of a day at the beach, incorporating various elements of the natural scenery and the activities that occur. However, there are a few areas where clarity and structure could be improved.

1. Syntax and Grammar: The poem often employs a fragmented sentence structure, which can be effective for creating a certain rhythm or mood. However, in some instances, this approach may also confuse readers. For example, in the lines "Capture of the ocean view / chasing the surfing tides / in a speeding race," it's unclear what is meant by "Capture" and who or what is "chasing the surfing tides." Revising for clearer syntax and grammar could enhance the poem's overall readability.

2. Consistency in Imagery: The poem uses a variety of images, from "a paint of clear / crystal vivid image" to "a gentle caress / of calmness wave." While these images are evocative, they sometimes feel disjointed. Striving for more consistency in the imagery used could help to create a more cohesive and immersive experience for the reader.

3. Rhythm and Meter: The rhythm of the poem is somewhat irregular, with lines varying in length and syllable count. While free verse does not require a consistent meter, having some rhythmic consistency can help to guide the reader through the poem and enhance its musicality.

4. Use of Abstract Language: The poem occasionally uses abstract language, such as "Embrace in a / a long distance / of a roller display." While abstract language can be effective in poetry, it can also make the poem more difficult to understand if not grounded in concrete imagery or context. Consider revising these sections to make the intended meaning clearer.

5. Redundancy: The poem sometimes repeats words or ideas unnecessarily, such as "a paint of clear / crystal vivid image." Consider revising these sections for conciseness and precision.

In summary, while the poem effectively evokes the sensory experience of a day at the beach, improvements could be made in terms of syntax, imagery, rhythm, and clarity.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Hon!
How are you? I agree with AI regarding syntax and grammar, and also that the poem is a bit abstract. But I wonder if that is its strength and that you might just go with that - forget using complete sentences, but go for simple abstract thoughts:

Beach Day

a family gathers
a surfing tide
the fragrant sweet blue spray

Simple observations, like fleeting thoughts and feelings as you stand and take in the view. Just my suggestion on this piece. It's actually lovely with its expression, and I understand its gentle appreciation for the beautiful view.

Thank you!
L

Of a day on the beach Hon.
I especially like

"A paint of clear
crystal vivid image
linger with memory"
Thank you for sharing dear.