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Words.unwritten
May 15, 2026 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

05/26 Oceanside Memories

(Read More...)

Beach memory

Bitter remnants of sea salt on my lips
As I dive my small hands into your big bag of chips.
Only just warm, but none of us cared 
Somehow they always tasted better when shared.
The sun rays beamed, giving glorious heat,
Warming the sand under our wandering feet.
Melting ice creams dribbled down their cones;
We made our own fun without tablets or phones.
Crabs caught in buckets we made castles with,
Convincing us mermaids were merely a myth.
Collecting seashells washed up on the shore,
Not sure I'd seen so many bright colours before.
The bells of slot machines buzz in my ear
As we walk hand in hand through the lights on the pier.
Cheering you on as you try to win prizes,
Cuddly toys organised into sizes.
Small lions and bears , the panda was fatter.
You didn't win, but it didn't matter.
We looked out on the sea, naming the boats,
Fishermen with their baskets and bright yellow coats.
Smells of candy floss and freshly fried doughnuts,
Spying through windows of painted beach huts.

We shared so much laughter on that perfect day Discovering all the curves of the bay 

The tide moves in closer and the sun starts to fade 
I'll cherish forever those memories made.

— Words.unwritten, May 15, 2026

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: West Yorkshire

Favorite Poets: Byron, Keats , Robert burns, Shakespeare , Edgar Allen poe

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

3 days 19 hours ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem captures a vivid and nostalgic beach memory with rich sensory details that evoke warmth and shared joy. The imagery of sea salt on lips, melting ice cream, and the sounds of slot machines effectively transports the reader to the scene. The contrast between natural elements (sand, sea, shells) and human-made attractions (slot machines, prizes, painted beach huts) adds depth to the setting.

To enhance the poem's impact, consider the following suggestions:

1. **Line Breaks and Structure:** The poem is currently presented as a block of text with HTML paragraph tags, which may affect the pacing. Breaking the poem into shorter stanzas or lines can create rhythm and allow key images or emotions to stand out more clearly.

2. **Consistency in Tone and Tense:** The poem shifts between present and past tense ("As I dive," "We looked out," "I'll cherish"). Maintaining a consistent tense or deliberately using shifts to highlight changes in time or mood can strengthen the narrative flow.

3. **Punctuation and Flow:** Some lines could benefit from more deliberate punctuation to guide the reader’s pace and clarify meaning. For example, adding commas or periods can prevent run-on lines and emphasize important moments.

4. **Imagery and Metaphor:** The line "Convincing us mermaids were merely a myth" is intriguing but could be expanded or clarified to deepen the metaphor. Exploring the idea of mermaids as symbols of imagination or childhood wonder might enrich the poem’s themes.

5. **Rhythm and Sound:** Reading the poem aloud can help identify places where rhythm might be uneven. Introducing more varied meter or deliberate rhyme could enhance musicality, though this depends on the intended style.

Overall, focusing on structural elements and refining imagery will help the poem resonate more powerfully with readers, preserving the warmth and nostalgia that are its strengths.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

Geezer

Geezer

3 days 18 hours ago

In thinking about...

the lines here, I felt that if you had maintained a stricter rhythm, it would have flowed much better. I enjoyed the day and was not disappointed in the richness of the description, the narrative was in good keeping with a great day at the beach. Nicely done, ~ Geez.

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