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Rhiannon1010
Rhiannon1010
Nov 20, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

To Beat a Dead Horse (Part 1 of weirdelf's 3 part challenge)

I once owned a horse we called Fred.
I feared he was slow in the head.
One day, he'd not ride,
so I sliced up his hide,
and proceeded to beat him 'till dead!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Please understand, I HATE animal cruelty on all levels. The challenge was to write a poem that offended a firm belief of mine and my friends.

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Alfred Noyes, T. S. Eliot, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, William Wordsworth, William Blake, Seamus Heaney, Robert Herrick

More from this author

Comments

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

13 years 8 months ago

why a limerick

I felt I should keep the feel of the poem light and happy since, in my oppinion, it is more offencive to talk about a serioud issue in a care free way, also, think of limericks when I go to bed. They help me sleep. tehehe, it is 12:31 am here! lol

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

13 years 8 months ago

why a limerick

I felt I should keep the feel of the poem light and happy since, in my oppinion, it is more offencive to talk about a serioud issue in a care free way, also, think of limericks when I go to bed. They help me sleep. tehehe, it is 12:31 am here! lol

Bonitaj

Bonitaj

13 years 8 months ago

Hi Rhiannon!

Yes, I totally see the point of this poem and where it came from. Incite offense indeed! My only problem is the closing line. Perhaps, since he is now dead, you could put that in the past tense. i.e. I proceeded to beat him, till he died. Make sense?
Thanks for the inadvertant smile!
Bonitaj

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

13 years 8 months ago

you sure?

the limericks on the "a little humor in writing" page have the same rhyme scheme. So do many others.

P

pleiades

13 years 8 months ago

challenge well met i say..

challenge well met i say...and i confess to
a soft spot for a well writ limerick

as this speaks in past tense, i'd suggest
tweaking the last line...perhaps,
"and proceeded to beat him til dead"

re your comment above...the rhyme scheme is correct

cheers
p

Rhiannon1010

Rhiannon1010

13 years 8 months ago

i thought it was.

and as far as the past tence, that was how I had originaly written it. guess first instinct is the bes one, eh?

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 6 months ago

Hello Rhiannon,

I always appreciate a good limerick. Especially one of a dark nature. Good job. I wouldn't change a word of it.

always, Cat