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Feb 02, 2014
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Beauty
Would that I knew of a moment sublime,
would that I heard once a mockingbird rhyme,
but there is naught that’s divine I recall.
I know of only the depth of my Fall.
Would that I heard once a musical phrase;
phrases that sung to the heart of my soul,
music that might hold my too weary gaze.
I know of only the forspent and droll.
Nothing in life poses blessings of aught.
Nothing is bright, no not even my thought.
Thence, I am lonely, a bleary, old man,
one who shall muddle the best that he can.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
raj
11 years 5 months ago
Wesley
What a fine scribe which rhymes with the mind and resonates in the depths of thoughts which drift from the past into the present with remarkable ease. It is a pleasure read and a learning experience for me..
Thanks for posting this refined poetry,
regards,
Rula
11 years 5 months ago
This is awesome
with a title and content that deeply touch the emotions.
I know that whatever you do is always intentional, but can't understand why does the second stanza's rhyme deviate from the others " aa, bb". you could have kept it aa,bb without affecting the meaning.
Just thoughts.
Thanks for sharing your "Beauty"
wesley snow
11 years 5 months ago
Stretching.
It felt good, so I allowed myself the leeway which I don't often do. Call it my version of "free verse".
lonlyhrtsclub13
11 years 5 months ago
as someone
Who writes by the seat of their pants, this was very good. You could hear the free verse in the flow, this was lighter, less serious than a lot of your work. Yet the language was still classy and elegant. Good read.
Ian.T
11 years 5 months ago
Wesley
A lovely write full of things,
we sometimes cannot see
The beauty hidden from our gaze
I feel sorry for those here
That have lived less days
As in our dotage we can see
More beauty in this world
There just for you and me.
Great, Yours ian.T
Rula
11 years 5 months ago
Now I can see clearer
why you've called it "Beauty". It is indeed!
BettyBuff
11 years 4 months ago
coming over to the 'dark side'?
I do declare Mr Snow, you're inching your way over to my side of the fence...'forspent', 'aught' & 'thence'...so archaic...going to be a while before you join the 21st century 'methinks'.
Only teasing, I liked this. It was a class act, like you.
Ellie x
wesley snow
11 years 4 months ago
I don't have a time machine,
so the 21st century is beyond my capabilities. Glad you liked the poem. It was written as an attempt to write "euphonically" (in other words... sounding pretty regardless of the subject).
Seren
11 years 4 months ago
Wesley !!
My god I simply love this, sorry for the gush but its just sublime rhythm and rhyme :) Sorry I missed it until now, it just flows off the tongue with ease, Sigh I cant find anything to suggest.
You really should let go and write like this more often it has a softer lighter feel about it, I haven't read this in your work before
Bravo :)
love JC xxx
wesley snow
11 years 4 months ago
Thank you my dear.
I am trying to "loosen up". It is hard. I choose the strait jacket willingly. Please read "For Carrie" and tell me what you think. I even listed it as free verse, though I confess the real challenge I gave myself was to write in someone else's style... hers.