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Z
Zoe_m
Oct 24, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Beauty

They tell me i'm beautiful
Thats how how i'm recognised by the society
Nobody seems to know me, rather than my beauty
I'm confused with beauty but thats not me
I'm a woman , i'm strong and i have good inside traits
Call me by my name
Call me the woman, not beauty
Beauty fades but i dont
Dont mistake me with beauty

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I been writing quite a lot and i'm not sure whether i'm using the write langauge. As the writer i do get my message but what i want is for the people to get my message. I'm pleading to be corrected in anyway , that will be useful to me. I'm sure every writer wants to be recognised and be the best of themselves. Thank you Irene for recommending this page to me.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Eastern Cape ,South Africa.

Favorite Poets: Ntozakhe Shange- For the coloured girls who commited suicide when the , rainbow was enuf.

More from this author

Comments

IRiz

IRiz

7 years ago

Hello there!!!!

Hello there!!!!
Welcome to Neopoet!
I like your poem.
The only suggestion is perhaps to think how to rephrase "good inside traits"
These words do not fit with the rest of the language.
Maybe you want to be more specific and tell exactly what you mean? Kind? Smart? Forgiving? Brave?
Or maybe you just want to say that you are good inside and that is all.
Think about it.
Best wishes!
Glad you joined us.

zebra

zebra

7 years ago

Beauty is a test as is

Beauty is a test as is ugliness each causing entrancement. Better to be beautiful :)
A nice write. I agree with IRiz. I would add look not only to sentiment but to the seduction and power of language. Think metaphor. Is beauty a perpetual evocation of Eros? A weapon for and against desire or both? Is beauty a kind of wealth with back feed? Is beauty hardship? Is there not a sensual inner rapture to being aesthetic?

R

raj

7 years ago

Welcome Zoe

a good way to express your inner voice through this poem....welcome to Neopoet ...good to know you have an open mind to learning and you have come to the right place....while others critique and comment you too would be expected to reciprocate since Neopoet is a workshop site where we look forward to establish a synergy...
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Geezer

Geezer

7 years ago

I of course...

would be the one to say it... "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". That is truth. Yes, the beauty of youth fades, but as you say; you do not. That in itself is a beauty, an inner beauty. I've always said that I can find something of beauty in almost any woman, but the beauty of the heart.... Ahhh, that is something else altogether! I suspect that the more you write in English the better your understanding of the language, the better your poems! Welcome to Neopoet. I hope that you will take advantage of the many programs/workshops that we have and be as open to criticism as you are now. There are many great poets here that will offer advice and encouragement. ~ Geezer.
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