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THE BEAUTY MAGNET
And with a look made of all sweet accord,
your eyelids invigorates your personality,
and looking inward you have a sharp ability,
but seeking your love I can't be able to afford.
I know the texture of your beautification,
you have a high target in all justification,
look at your lips and finger nail's coloration,
you are full of flamboyant looks in decoration.
in my mortal soul I have set up a barricade,
against sparkling queens that are like blade,
now you've already brandished your identity,
I'm now taking cognizance of untold reality.
I have heard myriads of unfortunate lover,
who out of sheer folly in love broadly hover,
now he is prey of loss; everything has lost,
I'm taking a french leave for thou art cost!
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
3 years 2 months ago
dear Onyinyechi,
I think you had a great deal of fun writing this poem, coz I had fun reading it!!! Your title and pacing are all good. the content is excellent.
*hugs, Cat
Jackweb
3 years 2 months ago
Wow
Infinite thanks Cat. I love to write about beauty of a woman.
Ray Whitaker
3 years 2 months ago
Fabulous!
My take is that she is just too costly. just where I am now in my life, perhaps you meant this piece otherwise.. I seem to know "costly" women.... a cost difficult to measure in positive terms.
I need to get out more!
Thanks to you!
Jackweb
3 years 2 months ago
Thanks Ray!
You really know it all. That's plain truth Ray.I appreciate you for reading through.