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KL
Katy Louise
Jun 14, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

June 2024 Neo Gem 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Bees

Soft breeze
carrying fat bees.
Their bums dusted in pollen,
leaving yellow blobs on cotton
as the laundry waves at passers by.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I'm still undecided on the title.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Wales UK

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 year ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The imagery in your poem "Bees" is vivid and evocative, painting a charming picture of bees going about their work. The use of sensory details like the fat bees dusted in pollen and leaving yellow blobs on cotton creates a strong visual for the reader. However, consider exploring more depth in your poem by delving into the significance or symbolism of the bees and their actions. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the rhythm or structure of your lines to add more dynamism to your piece.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

1 year ago

Simple...

but effective! I saw the sunshine, the laundry blowing in the breeze, with yellow bumble bee butt imprints, on the white cotton sheets. Nice stuff, Geez.
.

Lavender

Lavender

1 year ago

Bees

Hello, Katy Louise,
A beautiful observational poem. It feels freeing, and gives me pause. I enjoyed this. I also like your title - simple and says it all.
Thank you!
L