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Beggars retreat!
Where are you going,
from whence do you hail?
Your city streets boarded up,
to piss in no pail.
Your name like a marker
a cemetery stone.
No kindred spirit
to throw you a bone!
You languish on Saturday
no place to call home.
Down by the viaduct
you're wanting to roam.
You can't find an exit.
Your best bet a gun,
but you just keep on holding out
there in the sun.
The heat it is scorching
got you on the run.
You'll make it to Sunday
might find a new home!
You just keep on hopeing
that you won't come undone!
The city streets empty,
they find you alone!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A poem for the homeless!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Lavender
7 months ago
Beggars' Retreat
Hello, John,
Very raw. Helps convey understanding, empathy, and compassion.
Thank you,
L
Leslie
7 months ago
L
I love poems like this they tell a sad story, but in the end, if you see things as I do we're all going home!
Obadiah Grey
6 months 4 weeks ago
Well said my friend, your
Well said my friend, your comment, and your poem, bravo !
Obi.
Leslie
6 months 3 weeks ago
Beggars retreat!
This is a great compliment coming from you. I truly appreciate your freindship!
Ruby Lord
6 months 3 weeks ago
Beggars' Retreat
Your poem clearly conveys the isolation of the character using raw emotion. The ending is left open to interpretation, which I find satisfying in a poem. Well done, Ruby :) xxx
Leslie
6 months 3 weeks ago
Ruby
Thank you for your comment. I don't have much to say, but do appreciate your freindship and your willingness to critique my poem.