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Jul 08, 2025
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Behind the Curtain
At home, I’m polite.
At church, I’m pure light.
Smiling so hard
My cheeks bruise from the weight.
You see my grades,
My Sunday clothes,
My quiet nods
To rules I never chose.
But there’s a me behind the curtain— A me I tuck away.
Flawed, fierce, and uncertain,
Afraid of what you’ll say.
So if you ask, “Who am I?”
I’m a storm in a quiet sky.
I’m not proud of every secret
Or the paths I sometimes take,
But I wish you’d understand
That perfect is just fake.
I want to make you happy—
God knows I try so much.
But I’m human, stitched with errors, Soft to every touch.
Don’t hold me to a pedestal
Too high for mortal feet.
Leave room for me to stumble,
And still feel loved, complete.
I’ll shine my own bright lantern
If you let me breathe and grow. Trust that even with my shadows, I’m still your child, you know.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is just me showing my voice and vulnerability.This is how i feel.I feel like sometimes parents forget that we are human being not perfect projects.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively explores the tension between external expectations and internal realities, capturing the emotional complexity of presenting a polished facade while concealing authentic struggles. The metaphor of "behind the curtain" serves as a strong central image, evoking theatrical concealment and the duality of identity. The poem’s structure—short, declarative lines—mirrors the speaker’s restrained exterior, while the content reveals deeper vulnerability.
The progression from outward appearances (“polite,” “pure light,” “grades,” “Sunday clothes”) to the concealed self (“flawed, fierce, and uncertain”) is clear and compelling. The line “I’m a storm in a quiet sky” is particularly resonant, encapsulating the contrast between inner turmoil and outward calm. The poem’s plea for understanding and acceptance feels sincere and grounded.
Consider tightening some lines to enhance rhythm and impact. For example, “Smiling so hard / My cheeks bruise from the weight” is vivid but could be more concise or metaphorically precise to avoid mixed imagery (physical bruising from smiling). Also, the phrase “God knows I try so much” introduces a religious element that might be more effective if integrated thematically throughout, given the earlier church reference.
The closing couplet offers a hopeful resolution, though the rhyme (“grow” / “know”) is somewhat predictable; experimenting with less conventional rhyme or free verse here might deepen the emotional resonance. Additionally, varying line length or stanza breaks could provide more dynamic pacing and emphasis.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its honest voice and relatable theme. Focusing on refining imagery and rhythm will enhance its emotional clarity and lyrical power.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 month 4 weeks ago
I felt...
the vulnerabilities, the feeling that you only matter if you are a "good boy". You made this feel as though I were back in those days when I too, felt that way. I like the young voice, the plaintive cry of why am I not good enough? I think that you should put the single lines in the quartet with the three-line verses. It just makes it smoother, when you don't have to place the line where it looks like it should go. I like the theme; the title is one that resonates with the hidden side of you. There is a consistency, throughout the poem and I thought the delivery was fairly smooth. ~ Geezer.
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