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Dec 03, 2024
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Below my heart
Below my heart.
Right in the heart, a fire glows,
A light in the dark, a guiding star.
Though doubt may sow, and sorrow grows,
Hope's ember burns, however far.
The choice is in your hands, you see,
To walk the path, or stand and wait.
With eyes that see, and hearts that be,
Embrace your fate, and seal your fate.
For lost and found, a truth remains,
That even in the deepest night,
A flicker shines, through sunless rains,
And leads you towards the dawning light.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Below my heart" presents a strong use of imagery and metaphor, creating a vivid picture of hope and determination. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm. While most of the poem follows a rhythmic pattern, there are a few lines that disrupt this flow. For instance, the line "Embrace your fate, and seal your fate" could be reworked to maintain the rhythm established in the preceding lines.
Secondly, the use of repetition in "Embrace your fate, and seal your fate" may not have the intended effect. Repetition can be a powerful tool in poetry, but here it seems to dilute the impact of the phrase rather than enhance it. Consider revising this line to avoid redundancy and to add more depth or clarity to the message.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery. While the metaphors of a guiding star and a flickering light effectively convey the themes of hope and guidance, incorporating more unique or personal images could make the poem more engaging and relatable to the reader.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with a few revisions, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Anna Severchuk
4 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment.
Rula
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Anna
A good message between the lines. I thought the flow could be clearer in some places, but all in all I really like it for the message it delivers.
Best wishes.
Tawny023
6 months 1 week ago
A great contender and a solid
A great contender and a solid rhyme scheme. Good luck and nice read.
Anna Severchuk
4 months 3 weeks ago
Thank you!
Thank you!