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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 01/04/25 to 01/10/25 🏆 Winner

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Beneath the beauty

After the thorns of bougainvillea
Wounded her and left a dreadful scar,
She found solace in a foxglove.
It was mesmerising, alluring,
Pure.
The girl admired and yearned for it everlastingly,
Yet her love never perished.
But as time slipped away,
Bewilderment engulfed her heart,
Consumed her soul.
The foxglove wasn’t as pure as she thought,
As genuine as she had envisaged.
That dazzling being
Carries two sides:
A poisonous one,
Destined to be her undoing, her doom.
The other was sweet, delicate,
Like petals drifting through the breeze
At spring’s dawn.
And therefore, she was unsure what to believe.
But as the venom seeped in,
The lethal side unveiled,
Fatal to the heart.
When the fairytale lost its magic,
Collapsed,
And the heart was no longer curable,
She started to wither away.
Her soul became hollow.
Love remained,
Though demise loomed near.
Yet she’s still baffled,
By all that’s left is a mystery.
The final breath was drawn,
Lungs aflame,
Pulse fading into silence,
While her body crumbled into luminous ashes.
And with teary eyes,
Drenched in melancholy,
She gazed upon her executioner.
As she stayed a martyr,
Thus there, she uttered a question
That her heart longed to ask:
“Who are you, my dear foxglove?”

About This Poem

Last Few Words: It's written in metaphor so I hope people understand what I wanted to say!

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Region, Country: Serbia, SRB

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the tension between beauty and danger through the metaphor of the foxglove, effectively capturing the complexity of love and disillusionment. The imagery of the bougainvillea's thorns and the foxglove's dual nature sets a vivid stage for the emotional journey of the speaker.

Strengths: - The central metaphor of the foxglove as both alluring and poisonous is well-developed and sustained throughout the poem, reinforcing the theme of deceptive appearances. - The progression from admiration to bewilderment to demise mirrors the emotional arc of a toxic relationship, lending coherence to the narrative. - The closing lines, where the speaker addresses the foxglove as an executioner and questions its identity, provide a poignant and thought-provoking conclusion.

Areas for improvement: - Some phrases, such as "wounded her and left a dreadful scar," and "lungs aflame," are somewhat conventional and could be reimagined with more original or specific imagery to deepen emotional impact. - The poem’s rhythm and flow vary; consider revising line lengths and punctuation to create a more consistent cadence that enhances the reading experience. - The transition between the abstract emotional states ("bewilderment engulfed her heart") and physical consequences ("her body crumbled into luminous ashes") could be smoothed to maintain narrative clarity. - The use of "everlastingly" feels slightly awkward in context; alternatives like "endlessly" or rephrasing might improve naturalness.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the painful complexity of loving something that harms, but refining language choices and rhythmic structure could heighten its emotional resonance and lyrical quality.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Lavender

3 months 2 weeks ago

Beneath the Beauty

Hello, Mini,

I really enjoyed the metaphor within this.  Knowing very little about bougainvillea and just a tad more about foxglove, I looked into each of their characteristics and charm.  I think the symbolism in the poem fits well!

I wonder about each line being caps - when reading, I paused when it wasn't necessary and the flow was a bit interrupted.  But that may be me.  I know many poems are written in this formal format.

Great title and wonderful final line.

Thank you!

L

|Mini

|Mini

3 months 2 weeks ago

Thank you for reading so…

Thank you for reading so closely. I’m glad the metaphor came through. I do often write in this style, though it’s interesting to hear how it changes the reading experience. Maybe I should try something different next time if I can.

Sen99

Sen99

3 months 2 weeks ago

Beauty is ........

.......  a rare thing.

Like how the Metaphors sustained all through stanzas, revealing a lethal side was a nice dark touch made me think twice about foxgloves.

Well, scribed thanks