BEQUEST

Let me hear your laughing voice
each night before I go to bed
and see the shadow of your form
elegant as the day we wed

I like to brush that hair aside
which tends to drop and hide your eyes
and saying something off the cuff
which catches you by pure surprise

And frowning at your puzzle book
on the couch as I sit here and write
in your old tee shirt and stained sweat pants
beneath the floor lamp's cozy light

After all these days and years
I stiil wonder how it came to be
someone as wonderful as you
can still put up with such as me

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 3 months ago

you old romantic fart,

I loved this very much in the simplicity of it. It looks like every long time member of NP has been writing of late in a simplictic form. isn't the trend interesting.
well to just be a pain, what's up with this line:

"I stiil wonder how that it can be"

I have to say it kind of tongue tied me.
Eddie
...

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Eddie

Simple minds yield simple lines lol. That line you pointed out Does need some work. The "that" was inserted to maintain rhytm and I should be able to improve it................sorry you got tang toungled..........stan

Eduardo Cruz

13 years 3 months ago

Hahaha!

loved

13 years 3 months ago

and I know why

After all these days and years
I stiil wonder how that it can be
someone as wonderful as you
can still put up with such as me

I am quite sure
she had just no option
but to endure..
lest others
Stan would you lure
u must have been handsome then ...
not that u r no more
Had she a choice
ask her would she
have found another
voice

hahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaa

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi loved

I suspect she hangs around to see what I'll do next lmao.........stan

loved

13 years 3 months ago

What hopes at your age

she is and must be
the leader at this age
too late perhaps my friend
either of you have no option
so stay together
and be- friend
till the last days
finally do end..
LOLOLOL
HAHAHA