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May 05, 2025
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Billowing Sea
Waves crashing to the shore,
Like an army marching voraciously.
It's spray as bullets to the weak,
What comfort can it seek?
In the midst of sea's battle,
Chaos upon chaos, clearly seen.
Murky waters increase fatality,
In its reflection of our morality.
Much trapping and oppression,
Inhabitants of sufferage,
Caught in the nettings of our greed,
Oh that oceans vastness
would see them freed.
Alas many swimmers large and small,
And even those who can but crawl.
Soldier on, brave our ways,
In beautiful grace they survived these days.
Despite the slew, and mankind's bombardment,
No matter the storms that multiplicity grew,
Seas prolific nature will see us through.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem employs vivid imagery and metaphor effectively, particularly the comparison of waves to an army and spray to bullets. However, there are several areas where clarity and consistency could be strengthened.
First, consider the consistency of the metaphor. The poem begins with a military metaphor ("army," "bullets," "battle"), yet later shifts to imagery of entrapment ("nettings of our greed") and survival. Clarifying or bridging these metaphors could create a more cohesive thematic structure.
Second, the language and phrasing could be refined for greater precision. For example, "inhabitants of sufferage" is unclear—perhaps "inhabitants suffering" or "creatures in suffering" would be more precise. Similarly, the phrase "multiplicity grew" is ambiguous; consider clarifying what exactly multiplies—storms, threats, or resilience.
Third, the poem's rhythm and flow could benefit from greater consistency. Lines such as "Oh that oceans vastness would see them freed" disrupt the rhythm established earlier. Adjusting line breaks or word choice could improve readability and rhythm.
Finally, the poem introduces ideas such as morality and human greed, but these themes remain somewhat general. Consider providing more specific imagery or examples to ground these abstract concepts more firmly within the poem's narrative.
Overall, the poem would benefit from clearer thematic coherence, more precise language, and consistent rhythm to enhance its impact and readability.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Clentin
1 month 1 week ago
Liked your poem very much! I
Liked your poem very much! I especially liked these lines
Caught in the nettings of our greed,
Oh that oceans vastness
would see them freed.