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Michael Anthony
Michael Anthony
Jan 15, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blackest Crow

All I could feel
were the calls
of the worrying crows

Midnight-black, as they are,
picking over the remains
of your absence

And in this way
I miss you,
waiting for time to
chase them away

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: San Francisco Bay Area - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)

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More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 6 months ago

Your title...

brought me in, I love crows. I don't know about feeling the calls of the crows, it doesn't seem to fit. Maybe you should say:

All I hear
are the calls
of worried crows

The rest of it is great. I particularly like the lines:

"Midnight black as they are
picking over the remains
of your absence."

Geezer.
.

Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony

2 years 6 months ago

Thanks Geez! My thinking

Thanks Geez! My thinking behind using "feel" rather than "hear" (I did try it both ways), was that this piece relies heavily on crows as metaphor for grief. Thought "feel" was the better fit in this context. Always appreciate your comments.

Best

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 6 months ago

Got it...

Yeah, I see what you mean. ~ Geez.
.

Rosewood Apothecary

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 6 months ago

The personification of the crows

As grief and longing is brilliant. The word choices are really good.

Maybe

Taunting my ears
were the calls
of the worrying crows

Just a suggestion.

I really like this
It’s like an album cover for some hipster doom metal quartet. Totally amazing.

Tim

Michael Anthony

Michael Anthony

2 years 6 months ago

Hipster doom metal quartet?

Hipster doom metal quartet? Love it! Now we just need a band name... Thanks as always for your visit Tim, and the stanza suggestion. I like it!

Best

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 6 months ago

dear Michael,

deep sorrow and melancholy mood. I love the metaphor here.

*hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy