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Sep 30, 2016
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BLACKNESS
Awake again with only this
Pen to place me back
To sleep
Slipping from a quiet majesty of
Velvet darkness --- I've emerged the
Half-sleeper caught between two worlds
While the night shift keeps on working
The honey of my mind is
Challenged by the drug of time
There is a time when all men should
Sleep forever or should have
Slept forever
I am still asleep
Or ---not awake
Sitting here pounding at
Keys with numb flesh
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
weirdelf
8 years 9 months ago
An pertinent and powerful first post, Pethempamentes
I love the lines-
There is a time when all men should
Sleep forever or should have
Slept forever
I very minor point, perhaps --- could be replaced by an ellipsis (...) though maybe you had your reason for using it.
It is a unique approach to writer's block, or the sense of futility we sometimes sense from our writing.
I look for to more work and especially critique on other people's work.
jane210660
8 years 9 months ago
Wow
I really love this. I can identify with it 100% and am no stranger to the quiet hours that whirl between two worlds.
I think you have caught a perfect snapshot and honestly wouldn't suggest any changes.
Cheers Jx