Seren

Jan 05, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Blaze

silken nights
cooled with a waft
of jasmine

languid movement
stirs the air
humidity settles
ice tipped fingers
crawl over my body

the horizon glows
I know somewhere
It burns like hell
and death knocks
at every door

Thousands of men wait
at call to fire storms
that are yet to begin

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Frenchf

12 years 6 months ago

Fireman in a tropical country

Making love with a fireman on duty in a tropical country?
Imagery, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Article in newspaper about someone woes fetish was so great they had a fire pole built into the bedroom!

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

I like a man in uniform lol

This is about the contrast in our country at the moment
There are.hundreds of fires burning all over the country

There are thousands of volunteers waiting on call round
the clock ... Here's hoping they don't get the call

Thanks for your interest and read

Regards jayne-Chloe x

Frenchf

12 years 6 months ago

Just shows how the word can be misinterpreted.

If that had been in the title it would have come across more strongly to me.
Apologies. I read it so differently now
Beautifully written
French

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

french

Nothing to be sorry about hun your right the title
is ambiguous I had trouble with it

Jc x

Frenchf

12 years 6 months ago

Earth fires?

See what you mean about title
Blazes? Unexpected fires?
Awaiting fire?
Death by fire?
I personally would put fire in the title. Currently title does not add

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Ooooo thank you I have a

Ooooo thank you I have a title ! Blaze

Much appreciated

Hugs Jc xxx

Jenifer James

12 years 6 months ago

A lovely poem, Serendipity.

A lovely poem, Serendipity. Remembering that I am new to this forum (so know diddlysquat!) a couple of things occur to me: one, I love the first verse - and read it several times- but fell over the last verse. The rhythm is lost, for me, somehow. Hope that makes sense? xxx

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Thanks Jenifer

I agree with you I will do some work on that ending

And thank you for the read much appreciated

Regards n hugs Jc x

scribbler

12 years 6 months ago

Hey sis

Hero : one who runs toward smoke and chaos while others flee. This tribute you've written is well deserved. Now comes the nit picker lol.
third stanza try:
the horizon glows
somewhere
hell reigns
and death knocks
at every door

4th stanza:
cadres of men await
the call the call to battle
of fire storms
yet to ignite

just a few alternative..............stan

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Dear Stan

I can see what you mean I will be working on all my recent poetry as I havent had a computer since xmas I lent it to my son lol I've been using my phone and I can say I have had enough of trying to do anything I have long nails and it makes it hard to type on the phone lol

thanks for the alternatives when I do my edits I will take a look at them

love JC x

p.s how is the new grandson going ? I bet hes a cutie