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Apr 29, 2024
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Bleeding poem
Ten years,
a decade poured into a love
that echoed in a silent room.
The ink bleeds on the page,
each poem
a whisper lost in my the void.
Are my words like whispers on the wind, scattered and unheard?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 2 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem is poignant and evocative, creating a sense of longing and introspection. The metaphor of ink bleeding on the page to represent the emotions and thoughts poured into writing is powerful. The repetition of "whispers" emphasizes the theme of feeling unheard and adds a sense of vulnerability to the piece. Consider exploring the idea of silence further - how does it impact the speaker and their words? Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the structure or form of the poem to enhance its impact and convey the emotions more effectively.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
1 year 2 months ago
I see you...
stringing all the right words together, yet it doesn't quite make the mood.
I like the metaphorical view of the relationship, but I think this piece could be a bit smoother.
Try something like:
Ten years...
a decade, poured into love,
echoing in silent rooms
Of course, I'm sure that you can figure out the rest of it; cut unnecessary words,
that do not change the meaning of the poem.
~ Geezer.
.