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Aug 02, 2013
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Blood & Guts #1
The way you’re stuck inside my chest
is best
Twisting my guts to coils just beneath my flesh
If you look close you can see it ripple
The muscles moving, mangling my middle
Manufacturing something like a slow and painful death
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ian.T
12 years 2 months ago
Stephen
Firstly a great welcome to Neopoet, I hope your stay here will be a good one.
There are many things for you here, mostly in the workshops that are on going.
The stream is our outlet, for poems that you need to have some feedback on.
Anyway as to your Gut wrenching piece I will assume that Gee will be pleased to have Killer come over and sort out the bits you don't want??
This one needs a little more, unless we have to think of it as someone hurting you so bad. Shit Happens and we carry on lol.
Take care and I look forward to your future writes, Yours Ian.T