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Oct 07, 2024
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BLOODY CONG
Booms, Cracks of fire and
whistles, with muffled orders,
from vein corded necks, ripped
screams, and camo war faces in a,
beading hot climate of Vietcong.
Disfigured American patriotic
faces, open graves
disguised from families,
eaten up by hornets of red
hot bullets, splashes of crimson
Mist from slapping meat
of brotherhoods been hit,
Bodies coming undone
every joint and seam.
Guttural screams of ghost
limbs and whites of eyes rolled
back, masks of death
body's fall, bravery of the
stars and striped flag.
Jaws hang open in this battle
death match.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "BLOODY CONG," appears to be a vivid depiction of the horrors of war, possibly referencing the Vietnam War given the mention of "Vietcong." The use of intense, graphic imagery effectively conveys the brutal reality of conflict, creating a strong emotional impact.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation and syntax. The lack of punctuation in some lines can make the poem difficult to read and understand. For example, "camo war faces in a, beading hot climate of Vietcong" could be clarified with the use of more precise punctuation or restructuring.
The poem also employs a lot of abstract and metaphorical language, such as "hornets of red hot bullets" and "screams of ghost limbs." While these phrases are evocative, they might be too abstract for some readers to understand. Consider using more concrete language or providing more context to help the reader understand these metaphors.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. The irregular line lengths and rhythms can make the poem feel disjointed and harder to read. Consider revising the poem to create a more consistent rhythm, which can help guide the reader through the poem and enhance its overall impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Jokerface,
I was in my early teen's when all this started. The press was quick to action and broadcast all the blood and gore. The world had gone insane! The nightly news exploded getting all the atrocities reported... my bedroom was right next to the living room Where Norma (mom) parked herself in front of the television, to hear it all. The problem was, I was hearing all of it, too! I had nightmares from what I heard!
Your poem brings back all those years of unrest and war. The U.S called it a "Police Action" but it was a bloody damned WAR!!! So many lives lost, for nothing! I like the structure of this piece. It has invoked a huge response in me! This was a war like no other we had seen before. You have captured the horror of it. Well done!
*hugs, Cat
Jokerface82
8 months 3 weeks ago
Wow ok
Thank you for sharing about your personal life !
Leslie
8 months 2 weeks ago
BLOODY CONG
This reminds me of the movie with Tom Cruise "Born on the fourth of July" a descriptive portrayal of what went down back then. You did a great job describing the brutality and of the wars miseries. Man I don't write like you, but appreciate your morbid creativity. My hats off to you for writing this piece! Nicely done!
Jokerface82
8 months 2 weeks ago
Never watched it
Thanks man much appreciated every comment I will remember