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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 11/03/24 to 11/09/24 🏆 Winner

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Bogeyman

Eyes glowing red, he lives not under your bed,
the taunting voice within your head.
A shadow of a man haunting your dreams,
twisting reality until it isn't what it seems.

He's around every corner, lying in wait.
Every breath he breathes, filled with hate.
The demon is alive and on the streets,
disguised as a worthy lover between the sheets.

And once he has you in his grasp,
the pain and torture will make you gasp.
There's no way out, no matter how loud you shout.
Love isn't what the bogeyman is about.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

7 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "Bogeyman," effectively uses vivid imagery and metaphor to convey a sense of fear and danger. The bogeyman is not only portrayed as a physical entity but also as a psychological tormentor, which adds a layer of complexity to the poem.

The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout the poem, which contributes to the overall rhythm and flow. However, the meter is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the rhythm. To improve this, consider revising the lines to have a more consistent number of syllables.

The use of the bogeyman as a metaphor for a harmful relationship is intriguing. However, the transition from the bogeyman as a mythical creature to a deceptive lover could be made clearer. Consider adding more explicit connections between these two concepts to strengthen the metaphor.

The final stanza effectively delivers the poem's message, but the phrase "Love isn't what the bogeyman is about" could be rephrased for more impact. Consider using a more powerful or surprising statement to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures. The majority of the sentences start with "He's" or "The," which can make the poem feel repetitive. Experimenting with different sentence structures can add variety and interest to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

mark

mark

7 months 3 weeks ago

Nope!

Certainly not!
.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

7 months 3 weeks ago

A loveless

Soulless, shadow of a man..a real life beast, subhuman once the mask falls off. Maybe my poem will rid me of him.

Geezer

Geezer

7 months 3 weeks ago

Watch out...

for the bogeyman! You never know where he is hiding. A couple of long lines, that seem a little bit off, but I think that you can fix them easily. A cautionary tale, look out for the sexy bogeyman! ~ Geez.
.

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

7 months 3 weeks ago

I don't know

If this bogeyman is sexy but he certainly needs to go away. I wrote this based on a reoccurring nightmare I have been plagued with for the last several nights. I can only see his shadow/outline and every one he gets closer to catching me. Maybe if I wrote about him, he will go away.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

7 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Carrie,

I lived with a "Bogeyman" for over a year. He was more than pleasing to the eye and had a magnificent singing voice. everything about him appeared to be right... only skin deep... he was a monster and I was his prisoner. I can much relate to this poem. these lines say it all:

And once he has you in his grasp,
the pain and torture will make you gasp.
There's no way out, no matter how loud you shout.
Love isn't what the bogeyman is about.

He was also a second story man. He was shot dead, having been caught on a job. I rejoiced!

*the Cat

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

7 months 2 weeks ago

Our lives

Are so relatable. Mine never truly went away. I made many mistakes with regard to that situation. At least last night was nightmare free, perhaps the poem released some tension.

Clentin

Clentin

7 months 2 weeks ago

Very good poem!

Very good poem!
More real than most people think! You experienced a lot through your life and your poems.
Liked it very much!

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

7 months 2 weeks ago

Thanks Clentin

The monsters aren't really under the bed...they are in every day life and can look like a nice person.

Triskelion

Triskelion

7 months 2 weeks ago

Don't worry RoseBlack

..the orange face will protect you
...whether you like it or not
Great to see you back writing...been missing your poetry. Hope you can find some nice things to write about!

Thomas

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

7 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Thomas

Thank you for the comment! I am glad you liked the poem. It is good to be back writing again. Glad to know I was missed.