Geezer

Mar 18, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

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Boring Bumbles...

My cup of coffee steaming,
in the early morning sun,
my mind needs gentle cleaning,
gathered thoughts becoming one.

Bring to life my vision here,
in this time and hour,
not much happens yet, I fear,
see bumble bee's boring power.

Call out to me, I'm listening,
ideas, where are you now?
Show a glimmer, a glistening,
lost again, I don't know how.

Too late, I've lost the mood!
I'm sweating, pissed, my mind is stuck.
Maybe make some comfort food,
because thinking really sucks.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

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Comments

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem clearly explores the frustration of creative blockage and the struggle to find inspiration. The imagery of the steaming coffee and the bumblebee effectively sets a quiet, contemplative scene. However, the poem could benefit from greater specificity in imagery and language. For example, "gentle cleaning" and "gathered thoughts becoming one" are somewhat abstract and could be strengthened by more concrete, vivid descriptions. Similarly, the phrase "bumble's boring power" is intriguing but unclear—clarifying or expanding this metaphor might enhance the reader's understanding of its significance.

The shift in tone from reflective frustration ("ideas, where are you now?") to overt irritation ("I'm sweating, pissed, my mind is stuck") is abrupt. Consider smoothing this transition or building more gradually toward the emotional peak to maintain cohesion and reader engagement.

The rhyme scheme is consistent and provides rhythm, but occasionally the rhyme choices ("stuck" and "sucks") feel predictable and somewhat casual compared to the earlier tone. Experimenting with less expected rhymes or varying the rhyme scheme might add depth and interest to the poem.

Overall, strengthening imagery, clarifying metaphors, and refining tonal shifts would enhance the poem's effectiveness in conveying the experience of creative frustration.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

3 months 1 week ago

Hi Geezer, a light hearted

Hi Geezer, a light hearted take on writer’s block with relatable themes and a touch of self-deprecation. I was confused about the bumble? Maybe change the context so we can understand if this is really you? Nice job, Ruby xx

Candlewitch

3 months 1 week ago

Dear Geezer,

I really like this poem but, like Ruby, I am confused about the bumbles line. my favorite lines are:

Too late, I've lost the mood!
I'm sweating, pissed, my mind is stuck.
Maybe make some comfort food,
because thinking really sucks.

dontcha just hate when that happens? I know I do. I blame it on brain damage in the early 70's

very fondly, Cat

Geezer

3 months 1 week ago

Yeah...

in all actuality, this is a poem made from text between my sister and me. We are the proverbial blk sheep of the family,
[ there are grey ones, too,] but I digress. We are the two, that profess to having some talent, but ... Anyway, she told me about the bumble bees that bore holes in the wood to make nests, and they always fly too close her... I took the feeling of that, and melded it to what I felt and guess what? ~ Geez.
.

Ruby Lord

3 months 1 week ago

Hi Geezer, I get it now. They

Hi Geezer, I get it now. They're called carpenter bees and they do bore holes in wood. Ruby xx

Geezer

3 months 1 week ago

Thank you both...

for the head's up on that, I didn't really know if everyone would know about the bumble bees that bore in the wood. She was having a difficult day, trying to do something arty; I was in the doldrums from not writing, and there you have it. ~ Geez.

Candlewitch

3 months 1 week ago

Dear Gee,

I did not know about the Bee's that bore into wood! Thanks for passing on that information to us...I love the unusual and bits of little known facts. I find them fascinating and share them with Steven :)
much appreciated, Cat

Geezer

3 months 1 week ago

Thank you...

I find things like that interesting and find that nature is stranger than we often anticipate. Thank you for your reads and comments. Love ya, ~ Geez.
.