Neopoem Of The Week January 8th to January 14th 2023

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Born for This

I'm drawing my battle line
Time to turn this on a dime
This isn't a hobby for bliss
I know I was born for this

My heart beats faster every minute
I aim for the mark and I'll hit it
I have to stop the world's clock
I will not quit until I'm at the top

I write these words for somebody like me
Someone lonely just trying to keep it low key
It's time to go, there's not a second to reminisce
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this

Even when we struggle and we're down in the pits
We are the champions, we were Born for This

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

2 years 5 months ago

Yeah we were

Honestly, there are times I could leave it. I’m not terribly fond of crying all the time but it comes with inspiration and musings so I’ve accepted that part of myself and I roll with it. It is my job to transmute my feelings into written words. It is my Dharma.

Tim

Shelby Pryor

2 years 5 months ago

Rosewood Apothecary

I agree with you wholehearted. Thank you so much for the comment, I truly appreciate the kind words!

Geezer

2 years 5 months ago

I honestly like...

the sentiment, but I think that you could pare it down just a little to make it smoother. With taking out some words that aren't necessary and arranging the ones left a bit differently, this could be a rallying cry for many people! ~ Geezer.
.

Shelby Pryor

2 years 5 months ago

Geezer

I see what you're saying now, guess I missed that before. Thank you for the kind words and suggestions, I truly appreciate it!

Lavender

2 years 5 months ago

Born For This

Hello, Shelby,
Definitely a sharp rally cry, and your title fits perfectly. The first line sets the tone for the poem, and your final line is a strong declaration. A positive message!
L