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Jan 18, 2024
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The Boss
My favorite person in my life
Is my very long loving wife
She has kept me from a loss
Now I know she is really the boss
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 5 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Boss" is a succinct piece that encapsulates a personal relationship in a few lines. Here are some observations that could enhance the poem's effectiveness:
1. Rhythm and Rhyme: The poem follows a simple AABB rhyme scheme, which gives it a rhythmic quality. However, the rhythm is somewhat disrupted in the second line due to the extra syllable. Consider revising this line to maintain the rhythm.
2. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. Instead of stating directly that the wife is the boss, perhaps the poem could show this through specific actions or scenarios.
3. Word Choice: The phrase "very long loving" is somewhat ambiguous. If it's intended to convey the longevity of love, consider rephrasing for clarity. For instance, "long-enduring love" might be a clearer expression.
4. Theme: The poem succinctly captures the theme of love and respect for a significant other. However, the theme could be developed further by adding more lines or stanzas that delve into why the speaker views their wife as the boss, or how she has prevented the speaker from experiencing loss.
5. Tone: The tone of the poem is light and affectionate. This tone is appropriate for the subject matter and helps to convey the speaker's feelings towards their wife. However, the tone could be enhanced by using more emotive language or by introducing a metaphor or simile to describe the wife.
6. Structure: The poem's structure is simple and straightforward, which makes it easy to read. However, the poem could benefit from a more complex structure, such as a turn or volta, which could introduce a surprise or a change in perspective in the poem.
Remember, these are suggestions for improvement and not hard and fast rules. The most important thing is to convey the intended message in a way that feels authentic and true to the poet's voice.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
1 year 5 months ago
LOL!
I bet you got a *smile out of her with this poem!
*hugs, Cat
Clentin
1 year 5 months ago
My attempt at Clerihew form?
My attempt at Clerihew form?
My wife will love it!
Geezer
1 year 5 months ago
If he...
knows what is good for him, he won't show it to her! LoL
Geez.
.
Clentin
1 year 5 months ago
My attempt at Clerihew form?
My attempt at Clerihew form?
My wife will love it!
Geezer
1 year 5 months ago
I meant that...
she will love your admission of her being the boss, and now she will hold you to it. ~ Geez.
.
Clentin
1 year 5 months ago
I realized that as I wrote it
I realized that as I wrote it!
Candlewitch
1 year 5 months ago
Dear Clentin,
Good work!!!
*hugs, Cat
Clentin
1 year 5 months ago
Thank you for reading my
Thank you for reading my poems and your comments