Out At Sea 🏆 Winner

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The Boundless Sea

I wish to know if my spirit could be bound
Like the seemingly endless sea we found
Nobody recalls the beginning of one’s life
Stormy times we go through, amounts of strife

I wish I could tack from New England to Old
See all the glorious stories I had been told
Yet I can only see but the sweep of a gull
Above our boat and off the beat up hull

I wish I knew the meaning of you
Endless sea of greenish blue
Where storms, then calm, bring satisfaction
Where there's really no thought or planned action

I wish to know if my spirt could be bound
Or if forever in you my soul be found

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Seren

2 years 4 months ago

Dear Mark

This is a solid write but the fourth lines in the first and third stanza could be a little smoother before I offer some ideas I have a question about the fourth line/third stanza

Should the - be like this

Where there really is no thought - planned action

Or this

Where there really is no thought-planned action

Because with the spaces between the dash it makes it confusing whether its thought-planned or thought - planned action.

I'm thinking it's an editing issue, I don't want to assume and make an ass out of myself

Kind regards Jayne