Ruby Lord

Jan 06, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 01/05/25 to 01/11/25 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Branches of Time

Beneath canopies, time whispers soft,
where warm wind shakes new buds of spring.
Velvet rain drips instant waking
on dappled green limbs raised high aloft.

Each year grows a ring, a remembering,
Evangelising life anew.
Birds nesting high beyond our view,
and insects chirp, in vocal hymn.

While trees lay cold in winter’s grief,
roots tap the metronome unseen.
Each bough flaunts age in-between,
as branches hold time’s steadfast leaf.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This poem was inspired by Philip Larkin and his skill in blending nature with themes like time and mortality. I’ve used the ABBA rhyme scheme from his poem “The Trees” to explore my thoughts about the cycles of life. I love Larkin’s work, maybe it’s because he was English, and there’s something very British about his poetry. This is my way of learning from someone who really understood the art, while adding my own spin to it. I do think I could do with a few pointers on the metre if anyone is willing to help?

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Margaret Atwood is one of my favourite writers. Carol Ann Duffy, Philip Larkin, Ted Hughes, Wendy Cope and more.

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Comments

neopoet

5 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Branches of Time" effectively captures the cyclical nature of life through the imagery of trees and the passing of seasons. The use of nature as a metaphor for the passage of time is a common and powerful theme in poetry. The poem's structure with consistent rhyme scheme and meter adds a sense of stability and continuity, mirroring the resilience of trees mentioned in the verses.

One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more unique or vivid language to enhance the sensory experience for the reader. While the imagery of trees, rain, and seasons is evocative, incorporating unexpected or striking descriptions can elevate the poem's impact. Additionally, consider varying the sentence structure to create more dynamic rhythms and flow throughout the piece.

Overall, "Branches of Time" is a contemplative and well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the enduring beauty and strength found in nature's cycles.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

5 months 2 weeks ago

A lovely

well written descriptive piece dear Ruby.
Two tiny things if I may
I am not getting line 1 Stanza 3 could be only me?
I think the flow could be smoother?
Winters' or winter's?
And the word cold repeated twice so close in that same stanza. Just my opinion as always you know what you want to say.
Other than that, I salute you for sharing this one and wish you the best.

Ruby Lord

5 months 2 weeks ago

Thank you Rula for your read

Thank you Rula for your read and comment. You were right about the last stanza, and I have changed it. In fact I've changed a lot of it as I wasn't happy with it, if felt too predictable? Take care Ruby xxx :)

Rula

5 months 2 weeks ago

for me it doesn't flow

as smooth as it should especially the last two lines, but don't change please, and let's see what others have to say. It might be only me.

Ruby Lord

5 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Rula, thank you for

Hi Rula, thank you for reading again and your comment. I've worked on it a little more and I hope I've smoothed out the bumps? Ruby xxx :)

Ray Miller

5 months 2 weeks ago

Branches of Time

I like Larkin too. The 2nd stanza is almost briilant,I think, but for that "hymns spoken". It's crying out to end in "spoken hymns".
Maybe something like this -

Each year grows a ring, a remembering,
Evangelising life anew.
Birds nesting high beyond our view,
and insects chirp, in spoken hymns.

Ruby Lord

5 months 2 weeks ago

Thank you Ray for your read

Thank you Ray for your read and comment, I like your suggestion, I'll see if I can slot it in when I go back to rework this poem. Ruby xxx :)

Candlewitch

5 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Ruby,

I like Ray's suggestion. All except for the (And) as it is a filler word and is superfluous. I love how melodious each line sounds. This is a poem that was meant to be read out loud! Good luck on the contest!

xxx Cat

Ruby Lord

5 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Cat, thank you for reading

Hi Cat, thank you for reading and commenting. I like Ray's suggestion too. I'm letting it mellow for now. I think it's the near rhyme that is throwing me here.
Hope you are well, take care, Ruby xxx :)

Lavender

5 months 2 weeks ago

Beneath Branches of Time

Hello, Ruby,
I, too, enjoy Philip Larkin. Your reference to "The Trees" brings a lot to this poem - the same appreciation and feeling for such subtle yet significant change. "...a tallied token." Love that image and thought. The language is gentle, enhancing the changes that occur in nature. As far as meter, I am just starting to concentrate and learn more in that area, and I know it's tough. If you are wanting the unstressed / stressed measurement, then there are places to refine a bit. You are much stronger in that area than I, and I'll be back to see (and learn from) your revisions!
Thank you!
L

Tigger Kaz

5 months 1 week ago

I am reminded

I am reminded of the poetry I studied for my A Level in English Literature.
We studied many poets like Larkin, and they were classified as "Metaphysical Poets".
I still have the book, and all the notes I wrote in the white spaces.
I guess poets like Larkin, inspired me in my love of poetry.

I especially loved the first line of the last stanza, in this poem of yours:
"While trees lay cold in winter's grief".
Unwrapped, unloved, and laying in waiting, for spring to breathe new life into them...
And so nature's cycle starts again.

Ruby Lord

5 months 1 week ago

We studied metaphysical poets

We studied metaphysical poets in secondary school. I didn't remember anything about them, just the name of the book and I've probably got that wrong too. Larkin is very appealing to me. I like his language and approach. The subjects he writes about are often very relatable.
I've been studying the OU, poetry course. I'd already done their first year writing course a few years ago. The OU poetry course is pretty good.

Leslie

1 month 1 week ago

Ruby,

YOU ARE A FREAKING POET LAUREATE. YOU VOCAB IS SO INTRICATE DELICATE AND DEEP AT THE SAME TIME. I DON'T STUDY POETRY LIKE YOU DO BUT I LOVED THE WAY THIS CAME TOGETHER, SO SMOOTH AND WARM. CONGRATS ON THE WIN.