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May 04, 2025
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Break of dawn
Sun kissed hues,
That pours through.
Iridescent glass,
In this early portal,
As day proceeds night.
Dust fairies fly,
Amidst this vision.
Gentle whispers,
Seek no harm,
Roaming around the room.
And if you listen,
A rhythmic ticking,
Fills the void.
Like a countdown
But to what?
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in this poem is clear and consistent, particularly in the first stanza, where the description of sunlight through glass effectively sets a gentle, contemplative mood. However, the phrase "day proceeds night" seems awkwardly worded; typically, the phrase would be "day follows night" or "day succeeds night." Clarifying this wording would strengthen the poem's coherence.
In the second stanza, the phrase "Dust fairies fly" is imaginative, but the following lines—"Gentle whispers, Seek no harm, Roaming around the room"—feel somewhat vague. Consider elaborating on what these whispers represent or how they contribute to the overall atmosphere or theme.
The final stanza introduces an intriguing element with the "rhythmic ticking" and the question "But to what?" This effectively creates suspense and invites reflection. However, the poem might benefit from additional context or imagery earlier on to better integrate this sense of anticipation or uncertainty. Clarifying the connection between the ticking and the earlier imagery could provide a more unified thematic structure.
Overall, consider refining word choice and imagery to ensure clarity and cohesion throughout the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Tigger Kaz
1 month 3 weeks ago
Erm
If night proceeds day, then also day proceeds night.
The poem is called break of dawn
Who taught this ai ?
Back to the drawing board for that trainer of ai.
Because us poets cannot win.
Either we're too plain speaking, or we're not sticking to what is expected.
Poetry is varied and subjective. The poet is the master of their words.
And like Marmite, not everyone will like it- some may hate it, but equally others may love it.
Rula
1 month 2 weeks ago
I think
The answer to your question is to our lives. Time flies and takes our lives with it.
Great job T.Taz!
Thank you for sharing.