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The Breath of Struggle
In the stillness of the night, a sudden woe,
A heart's betrayal, its rhythm slows,
Breath, once a friend, now a foe,
In agony's grasp, the soul bows low.
Each gasp, a battle, fierce and fraught,
A desperate plea, a silent thought,
Air, elusive, in torment caught,
Life's precious thread, painfully sought.
The chest, a cage of fiery ache,
With every swell, the sinews quake,
Weeks stretch long, a cruel wake,
Of breathless nights and dawns that break.
The lungs, they burn, they weep, they sigh,
Under a leaden, merciless sky,
Yet hope alights, it will not die,
In the struggle's midst, it dares to fly.
A heart, though torn, can mend and beat,
Through trials harsh, and relentless heat,
The pain, a testament, bittersweet,
To life’s tenacity, no small feat.
So breathe, though labored, each breath a gift,
Through shadows deep, the spirit lifts,
For in the struggle, hearts can shift,
And find in pain, their strength and thrift.
In the quiet, when the storm has passed,
Each breath a triumph, free at last,
Remember then, the shadows cast,
And how the struggle’s pain was vast.
But in that pain, a truth does lie,
That hearts, though broken, can defy,
And breathe anew, beneath the sky,
With wings of hope, they learn to fly.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
5 months ago
Mark...
Your struggles are understood here; I know them. The reality is that we suffer
from many ailments, not the least of them being, out of breath, with your heart pounding. Anyone with any little bit imagination, can feel it here, in this piece.
Your descripting lines are in a good rhythm, and march right along. ~Geez.
.
mark
5 months ago
The reality is more like
What has effected me most the past 5 years, or so, I have never shared nor wrritten about.
Mark
Ray Miller
5 months ago
The Breath of Struggle
You sound like you've been through it yourself, which is a recommendation for the poem, I suppose. If you're looking to improve the poem, I'd consider the punctuation - there seems to be a lot of unnecessary commas.
mark
5 months ago
Purpose of the comma
They stop the reader where I would like it to stop.
Thanks for stopping in, Ray.
Mark