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The Breath of Struggle

In the stillness of the night, a sudden woe,
A heart's betrayal, its rhythm slows,
Breath, once a friend, now a foe,
In agony's grasp, the soul bows low.

Each gasp, a battle, fierce and fraught,
A desperate plea, a silent thought,
Air, elusive, in torment caught,
Life's precious thread, painfully sought.

The chest, a cage of fiery ache,
With every swell, the sinews quake,
Weeks stretch long, a cruel wake,
Of breathless nights and dawns that break.

The lungs, they burn, they weep, they sigh,
Under a leaden, merciless sky,
Yet hope alights, it will not die,
In the struggle's midst, it dares to fly.

A heart, though torn, can mend and beat,
Through trials harsh, and relentless heat,
The pain, a testament, bittersweet,
To life’s tenacity, no small feat.

So breathe, though labored, each breath a gift,
Through shadows deep, the spirit lifts,
For in the struggle, hearts can shift,
And find in pain, their strength and thrift.

In the quiet, when the storm has passed,
Each breath a triumph, free at last,
Remember then, the shadows cast,
And how the struggle’s pain was vast.

But in that pain, a truth does lie,
That hearts, though broken, can defy,
And breathe anew, beneath the sky,
With wings of hope, they learn to fly.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

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Comments

Geezer

Geezer

5 months ago

Mark...

Your struggles are understood here; I know them. The reality is that we suffer
from many ailments, not the least of them being, out of breath, with your heart pounding. Anyone with any little bit imagination, can feel it here, in this piece.
Your descripting lines are in a good rhythm, and march right along. ~Geez.
.

mark

mark

5 months ago

The reality is more like

What has effected me most the past 5 years, or so, I have never shared nor wrritten about.
Mark

R

Ray Miller

5 months ago

The Breath of Struggle

You sound like you've been through it yourself, which is a recommendation for the poem, I suppose. If you're looking to improve the poem, I'd consider the punctuation - there seems to be a lot of unnecessary commas.

mark

mark

5 months ago

Purpose of the comma

They stop the reader where I would like it to stop.
Thanks for stopping in, Ray.
Mark