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a Bridge too Far
I travelled on a bridge too far
with tourists in a yellow car
above a strait beneath a cloud
as dark as an unholy shroud
our mouths filled with the ashes
of 120 children
inhaled by three breaths of savagery
our hearts hollowed out by their hands
gifting apples and wax rainbows
on reality as thin as paper
our eyes black with blood
to hide one man's guilt and
another's greed
our minds squirming with acid
while a drunkard enraptured
by burning hair and melted fingernails
jumps from chair to chair
as the blast mushrooms
...another shits himself
blissfully
another desperately masturbates
in a schoolroom
where the first bomb
emptied its bowels
and another guffaws
at the sheer depravity of it all
a House full of robots
plans a trip to Gryffindor
where the recess bell tolls forever
Really, what's wrong with you?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: ..just wondering if there should be a comma after the word drunkard. I don't think it matters technically, but perhaps readability-wise?
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Obadiah Grey
1 week 1 day ago
"just wondering if there…
"just wondering if there should be a comma after the word drunkard."
I'm just wondering why no fuckers put a bullet in his cuntish head !
Not a nice piece. Thomas. Poignant !
Obi.