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C
captjack
Oct 12, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Burger and Fries

A big burger and lots of fries
not the best in terms of healthy, you say.
But excuse me, did I ask?
A ride on the greasy side of life,
no doubt a dangerous delight.
But at its thought,
I’m Pavlov’s dog.
I’ll risk that beating by the great OZ,
doctor that is.
Dismissed as well
the sucking sound of shrinking arteries,
as without ceremony
I devour this
killer feast.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: NW Georgia (Fairmount) by way of South and North FLA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Frost, T. S. Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Carl Sandburg and Ezra Pound. I like these the best but really enjoy many many others like Whitman, Emerson, Whittier and Longfellow.

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

Hello Capjack

A big burger and lots of fries
Not the best in terms of healthy, you say.
But excuse me, did I ask?
A ride on the greasy side of life,
no doubt a dangerous delight.

But at its thought, I’m Pavlov’s dog.
I’ll risk that beating by the great OZ,
doctor that is.

Dismissed as well
the sucking sound of shrinking arteries,
as without ceremony
I devour
this killer feast.

Rula

Rula

12 years 9 months ago

Hello Capjack

a brilliant fun indeed . I really like it
I just sort it out differently ...Hope this won't offend you.

A big burger and lots of fries
Not the best in terms of healthy, you say.
But excuse me, did I ask?

A ride on the greasy side of life,
no doubt is a dangerous delight.
But at its thought, I’m Pavlov’s dog.
I’ll risk that beating by the great OZ,
doctor that is.

Dismissed as well
the sucking sound of shrinking arteries,
as without ceremony
I devour
this killer feast.

but again it is only me so if you leave it as it is , it is still a great read.
Thanks for sharing

S

scribbler

12 years 9 months ago

Hi Captain

A few of your lines ended at an awkward place but I agree that the taste of a good cheeseburger is well worth a bit of clogging of arteries lol.........stan