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Sep 21, 2011
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Burial Shroud
The sky leaves it's
tattered edges
along mountain tops
Mountain tops loom over
towering trees
Towering trees cast shadows
upon the broken land
The broken land cries out
to the night skies
The night skies cloak the earth
in a burial shroud
A burial shroud for the earth
that has died
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This poem was written in metaphor
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
lou
13 years 10 months ago
Chrys
I loved this one especially Stanza 1. The only thing I would say is it's a little short, would have liked more and in Stanza 5 I think it would be better not to repeat the word shroud, maybe you could say ' the night skies cloaked the earth in a burial shroud'.
Love Lou
scribbler
13 years 10 months ago
hello
Enough metaphors for three or four poems lol.........stan
weirdelf
13 years 10 months ago
I'm really taken with this piece, Chrys
the effective use of repetition leads the reader innocently to a grim and inescapable conclusion.
Really good writing.
Candlewitch
13 years 9 months ago
Dear Chrys,
This is right up my alley! It has all the right things to express depression. I like the whole thing. Even the title gives me shivers!
always, eddy (& cat)
raj
13 years 9 months ago
Chrys
A novel script with a novel perception a lovely step by step transition taking one from light into darkness...
Candlewitch
13 years 9 months ago
Dear Chrys,
I was thinking about our conversations when I read this extraordinary piece. On a re-read I still get shivers.
always, eddy (and Cat)