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Jan 11, 2025
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Buzz off anxiety
When those anxious swarms,
Buzz around your head again.
Consume your mind,
Like a foggy brain.
Battling emotions come out to play,
Unkind, unforgiving, and draining.
They push joy and happiness,
So your hearts bitterly complaining.
A cancer that sinks to your very soul,
Gut destroying pain, seems here to stay.
Yet a little voice whispers in the wind,
Fear not , hope is coming, on its way.
This light so tiny, it's hard to see,
Fights hard against the noise of doubt.
Pushing through a forrest of despair,
To crush the fears until there's nowt.
For the heart is stronger than the mind,
Braveness wins over all that's unkind.
And confused thoughts, just have no place,
When I look at things, as a different face.
Instead of buzzing I hear calm,
A millpond feeling, that seems unreal.
Sunshine and warmth upon my skin,
A life of hopeful joyous appeal.
And as I walk away from fear,
The shackles that held, falling away.
I feel a presence by my side,
To guide and steer me on my way.
Bringing hope to fill my days,
I'm anxious, lonely, and lost no more,
With a higher authority, than earthly power,
Now I'm cherished and loved to my very core.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Buzz off anxiety" effectively uses metaphors and imagery to convey the struggle with anxiety and the journey towards hope and peace. The use of the metaphor of a swarm for anxiety is particularly effective, as it conveys the overwhelming and intrusive nature of these feelings. The transition from this chaotic imagery to the calm and peaceful imagery towards the end of the poem effectively mirrors the journey from anxiety to peace.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second stanza has a different rhythm than the first, which can be jarring. Consistency in rhythm and meter can help to create a more immersive reading experience.
The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For instance, the line "Bringing hope to fill my days" tells the reader what is happening, rather than showing it through imagery or metaphor. Showing rather than telling can make the poem more engaging and impactful.
Lastly, while the use of rhyme can add a musical quality to the poem, some of the rhymes in this poem feel forced, such as "Bravness wins over all that's unkind." This can distract from the overall message and impact of the poem. It may be beneficial to focus more on the content and flow of the poem, rather than trying to make every line rhyme.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys the struggle with anxiety and the journey towards hope, but could benefit from more consistency in rhythm and meter, more showing rather than telling, and less focus on forced rhymes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
6 months 1 week ago
Buzz Off Anxiety
Hello, Tigger,
One of your best. A message we all could use, especially now, it seems. I like the contrast within the title and the body of the poem - the title being informal and spunky, and the actual poem with a more formal mood. I am thankful for this piece, and the guidance it brings.
L