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Aug 29, 2024
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Cacophany!
Blood red sky,
people crying tonight
Gun shots sounding,
innocents die
Tenement buildings
crash to the ground
Mercenaries fighting
your soul's compromised
Your city will burn
and history will turn
If it's peace we desire
there are lessons to cite
listen to your brother
try not to be right
You may just discover
healing tonight!.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wrote this out of depression and desperation. This is what is coming at us. If we cannot learn the art of listeing and giving. We're as good as dead!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
9 months 4 weeks ago
Dear Leslie,
there is something wrong with this line:
(Children across running across the ground)
and this line, too:
Free your brother(S) from their snare
I could see your fingers flying over the keyboard, lightly kissing the keys!
Yo are right. we have a pretty bleak outlook if we do not learn the art of communication!
*hugs, Cat
Leslie
9 months 4 weeks ago
Cacophany!
Thanks again for reading my freind. Thanks for the heads up too!
Candlewitch
9 months 4 weeks ago
;)
you are very welcome!
*many hugs, Cat