12/24 Delayed On Christmas Eve 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Cancelled

Slate grey stretched skies
winding snake, skidding sloshing
roads, cold choking cloaks of
icey hugs and screaming wind
tugs. Falling flake feathers
pale as cocaine

Bobble hat wearing brats
lobbing frosty white
spheres, causing stripes
of creamed powdered
crowned cars, to smack

and crash, under a,
concealment of falling
white rain. Brandberry

red faces and blushing
noses, infuriating drivers,
doors flying open with
shaking raging fists

catapulting angry words
at mobs of yob minded
brats. Now Christmas
Eve is mad, packed its
sacked, it's, been hijacked
by mitten gloved douchebags.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Uk, GBR

Comments

neopoet

6 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

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Lavender

6 months 3 weeks ago

Hello, Jokerface!
So... somehow, this really works! It gives the frustrated feelings of a delayed / cancelled Christmas perfectly. Since there is a hodgepodge of caps and lower case words, I think I might go with all lower case except for the proper nouns of Christmas Eve, and the "sack" in the final stanza change to "sacked" to go along with the tense in the entire stanza. You've captured what truly is NOT the true spirit of Christmas, but what we see and live all too often.
Thank you,
L

Jokerface82

6 months 3 weeks ago

Thank you

Very nice to say, I agree my computer loves caps and I have to go back and check it all lol any advice would be most welcome lol

Lavender

6 months 3 weeks ago

Hi, there!

I may have mentioned to you before that your poetry would work really well at a poetry slam - recited aloud to an audience. This poem would be great.
Thanks, again!
L

Jokerface82

6 months 3 weeks ago

No

And hi I have never heard of poetry slam?

Lavender

6 months 3 weeks ago

Hello!

You may want to check out nearby book stores, coffee shops, and universities. Many of them often have poetry readings, sometimes in actual competition or "slams." Mostly for fun and support.
L